A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today…
Doctors have said that he should be okay but he’s not out of the woods yet…
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Plaese warm yu frends!
My lab partner invented a device that will steal other people’s ideas and then delete it from their memory.
Why didn’t I think of that?
Wife: What do think you’re playing at coming home half drunk??!
Husband: I ran out of money.
My friend Jack Hughes just got a job as a prosecutor in France…
95% of people are idiots.
I’m glad I’m in the other 15%.
The first time I had sex it was in my parent’s bedroom.
My girlfriend said, “This is a bit awkward.”
I said, “Just ignore them.”
I said to my girlfriend, “I need to call the doctor today.”
She said, “Which doctor?”
I said, “No, the regular kind.”
Guy who owned Odeon cinemas has died.
His funeral is on Monday @ 2:10, 4:20 & 8:40
Is it fair to say that there’d be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
Why did the slave go to college?
So he could pickup his Master’s degree.
I like the way the Earth rotates.
It makes my day!
I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on me.
He’s not dead, just very condescending.
My neighbours are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.
They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining but…
I reckon I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.
Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.