Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …

My dad always told me “don’t be quick to find faults”…

Good man, terrible geologist.

What’s a dyslexic wizard’s biggest problem?

They can’t spell.

My 4-year-old daughter just said to me:

“Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said on the internet? Isn’t it just inherently dishonest? It seems as though they require positive reinforcement from people on the internet they’ve never met.”

My girlfriend told me that she used to be Christian.

“That’s not a problem,” I told her.

“Thanks, I’m much happier being a Christine now,” she replied.

I just got asked the time by a British Gas repair man.

So I told him it was between 8am and 1pm

Just heard that the government is banning Roman numerals!!

Not on my watch!

What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

There are only 10 kinds of people that understand binary – those that do, and those that don’t.

I went to a ‘music themed’ fancy dress party as a harp.

The host said “You’re not a harp, your costume is too small!”

I said “Are you calling me a lyre?”

For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently…

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

Published by The Sage Page


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