Car Jokes

It’s probably not safe for me to be driving my car right now.

But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

People laugh at my car because it’s ugly and green.

But at least I avocado.

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, “Yes, I’ve got a dog.”

She asked, “Would you like to insure him too?”

I said, “No thanks, he can’t drive!”

A man is washing the car with his son.

His son asks, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my car.

I didn’t know what to make of it.

I was so worried the mechanic would rip me off because I confessed I knew nothing about cars…

Imagine my relief when he said I only needed indicator fluid.

BREAKING NEWS!

The M25 is blocked after a lorry shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes…

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery…

What do we want? Race car noises!!!

When do we want them?

Neeeooowwwww

My car failed it’s emissions test today….

Fuming!

Took my car in for a service yesterday…

The vicar at the church was not impressed…

I just finished building a car using a motor from a washing machine.

I’m going to take it for a spin later…

Dad is down at the car dealership, looking at potential choices.

“Cargo space?” he asks.

The salesman says: “Car no do that. Car go road.”

My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel.

I told him to steer clear.

Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley.

They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme…

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself, that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

What sound does a witch’s car make?

Broom broom.

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car that I was working on?..

The suspension is killing me.

102 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars.

Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.

Oh how the stables have turned…

Shania Twain has been boasting online about her new Subaru.

That don’t Impreza me much…

I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent.

It goes without saying…

Quite difficult to get a job at Citroen.

Had to send them 2 CVs.

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?

U r a bus.

Children in the back seat cause accidents.

And accidents in the back seat cause children.

My great-grandad invented the rearview mirror for cars…

After that, there was no looking back.

I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals.

I have a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m sexy”…

When I’m feeling down, I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

Pigeons must be wealthy.

They have no problem putting deposits on expensive cars.

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

But how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the logo below…. (thanks in advance)