Birthday Jokes

Celebration Station: Dive into Our Birthday Joke Bonanza

It’s party time—and we’re bringing the laughs! Our curated collection of birthday jokes is perfect for adding a spark of humour to any celebration. Whether you’re crafting a card, welcoming guests, or simply want a good chuckle, these jokes—from witty one-liners to cheeky puns—will light the candles on your fun meter. So grab your party hats and prepare to giggle, because this birthday-themed humor is sure to make every celebration feel extra special!

I hate being the only drunk person at a party!!

I’ve totally ruined my 5 year old’s birthday.

Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family…

It’s Mark Zuckerberg.

The only birthday gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I find that very hard to deal with.

I asked my grandmother for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

The look on my sons face, when he opened his Birthday present & saw it was flattened cardboard.

I said “You did say you wanted an ex-box?”

I opened my birthday card and a Yorkshire pudding fell out.

It was from my Aunt Bessie.

It’s IKEA’s birthday today, so I took them some eggs, flour, icing sugar, butter, and a whisk, and told them there’s your damn cake.

I threw a ball for my dog… It’s a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

I got a reversible jacket for my birthday.

I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

My son wanted a bouncy castle for his birthday.

The man said the rental was £50 and the set-up was £1000.

I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

What did the pirate say on his 80th Birthday?

Aye Matey.

As I handed my Dad his 80th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said…

“You know, one would have been enough.”

For her birthday my wife wanted tickets for a cruise to Denmark to see The Temptations…

But instead I drove to Primark to get her four tops.

My wife said she wanted to be treated for her birthday.

So I painted her with Cuprinol.

I gave my wife a length of yellow and green shrouded wire for her birthday.

Well, I did promise her the earth…

Took my goldfish to the chip shop and asked ‘do you sell fish cakes?’

Yes’ they replied.

Great because it’s his birthday.

Bought my mum a fridge for her birthday.

You should’ve seen her face light up when she opened it!

Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it’s the most violent book he’s ever read.

Just got a birthday card, opened it up and a rice went everywhere!!

It was from Uncle Ben.

My wife told me she wanted a spa day for her birthday…

I’ll tell her it’s pronounced ‘spade’ when I give it to her later…

For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently…

I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”

“No, only little babies.”

My son asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!

Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

My Dad once gave me an abacus shaped like a castle for my birthday.

Well, it’s the fort that counts…

I tried to get into a trendy London nightclub last night.

The doorman said to me, “Sorry mate, you’ve had too many”.

I replied, “What, drinks?”

He said, “No, birthdays!”

I just got goosebumps…

I told some geese it was my birthday.

For her birthday, I got my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.

She’s in for a rude awakening…

I asked my new wife when her birthday was.

She said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again.

Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?

From a cat-alogue.

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?

They relish the moment.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

How did Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?

He had a whale of a time.

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?

Mice cream and cake.

Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Try taking the candles off.

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

What goes up and never comes down?

Your age.

What do you say to your cat on his birthday?

Happy purr-day.

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover?

Choco-latte.

What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?

No thanks, I’m stuffed.

Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist?

Because it was feeling crumby.

You know you’re getting old when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?

When you slice it.

What do you say to your goldfish on his birthday?

Have a fin-tastic day.

What did the elephant want for his birthday?

A trunk full of gifts.

Age is a relative thing.

All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.

My wife wants me to be more sensitive so I got her abacus beads for her birthday.

She said, “What the hell are these?”

I said, “It’s the little things that count.”

What do you get a hunter for his birthday?

A birthday pheasant.

“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to make my presents felt.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Abby.

Abby who?

Abby birthday!

Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions!

Age is just a number…

a huge, obnoxious number that everyone knows.

Forget about the past; you can’t change it.

Forget about the future; you can’t predict it.

Forget about the present; I didn’t get you one.

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older.

It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together, and your body starts falling apart.

Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years.

Wonder where your car is parked?

Wonder where you left your phone?

Wonder where your glasses are?

Wonder what day it is?

You don’t look a day over 16!

From a distance, with my eyes closed.

You might want to forget about your birthday, but I never could!

I’ll take any opportunity to remind you that you’re getting older.

It’s time to start being honest about your age.

You need to start including your B.C. years.

I’ve baked the most delicious cake for you today.

Unfortunately, I opted not to place any candles on it.

Because if I do, then I’d have to call the fire department because it will be a potential fire hazard!

I bought you a loaf of bread for your birthday toast.

What’s a ghost’s favourite cake?

I-scream cake.

Why was the cake sad?

It was in tiers.

Today is your special day, so congratulate yourself—especially if you’re still young enough to remember it!

You’re so old; your first pet must have been a dinosaur.

I’ve never enjoyed my surprise parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.

Why did the guy feel warm at his party?

Because people kept toasting him!

When I have a birthday, I take the day off.

But when my wife has one, she takes a year or two off.

My girlfriend isn’t talking to me.

She said I ruined her birthday.

I don’t know how.

I didn’t even know it was her birthday.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Don’t think of it as turning 30.

We’re here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your 20th year.

Why was the cake hard as a rock?

It was a marble cake.

They say age is just a number, but in your case, it’s a huge number!

What do you give a 3100 lb rhino for his special day?

I don’t know, but you better hope he likes it.

What’s a cow’s favourite party game?

Moo-sical chairs!

What kind of candle burns longer than others?

None, silly — they all burn shorter.

Another trip around the sun?

You’re really racking up those frequent flyer miles!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Ivan.

Ivan who?

Ivan a piece of your cake!

What did the cake say to the candles?

“You light up my life!”

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Wine improves with age.

Women improve with wine.

And that’s not all …

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)