Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wagon of wisecracks …

I’ve got a new joke about an umbrella but I think it might go over people’s heads…

I’m looking to hire a Chef who is very frugal with herbs.

No thyme wasters please…

I Googled the phrase “missing medieval servant”.

It came back with “Page not found”.

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’…

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

I’ve told my suitcases that I can’t afford a holiday this year.

Now I’m dealing with the emotional baggage…

‘Life is like a bunch of flowers’.

Florist Gump.

I keep having a recurring dream that I am turning into a joint of ham.

Might go and see the doctor, I hope I can be cured…

I think most of you probably already know about the first rule of Assumption Club.

I hate being the only drunk person at a party!!

I’ve totally ruined my 5-year-olds birthday.

I asked 100 women what shampoo they prefer to use while taking a shower?…

They all replied, “How did you get in here?”

The inventor of the USB stick has died.

Thanks for the memory.

The bartender told me they are about to start Happy Hour.

So he asked me to leave

I’m a fisherman, and I’m dating a mermaid.

I met her online.

The police suspected that my daughter accidentally burnt our house down.

But it was arson.

My girlfriend said to me, “You’re always acting like a detective. I want to split up.”

I said, “Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.”

My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because I think I’m a supermarket cashier.

I said, “Would you like any help with your packing?”

The English language is pretty strange and confusing.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins,

I thought “That’s a turtle disaster”.

Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)