“Only eat spaghetti on bath nights.”
The Sage
The Sage has many rules for living, but few are as practical — or as messy — as this one: “Only eat spaghetti on bath nights.” It’s advice born of experience, tomato stains, and a lifelong battle with gravity. For The Sage, spaghetti isn’t food; it’s a lifestyle hazard that demands both caution and a nearby source of hot water.
Spaghetti, he explains, is a treacherous meal — a slithering ambush disguised as dinner. Every forkful carries the risk of airborne sauce, accidental lassoing, or what scholars now call The Marinara Incident. That’s why the truly enlightened schedule their pasta feasts for evenings when a thorough scrubdown is already on the agenda. It’s not laziness — it’s logistical genius.
So next time you fancy a plate of spaghetti, check your calendar first. Is it bath night? Excellent. Proceed with reckless abandon. If not, step away from the pasta, for there’s wisdom in restraint — and no detergent on Earth that truly removes tomato from beige robes.
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