Reduce stress in microwave cooking by setting the timer for one hour and leaving the house. That way, you don’t have to listen to it beep.
-The Sage
There’s something deeply unsettling about standing in front of a microwave, watching your dinner rotate slowly like a nervous astronaut. The Wise Sage believes this can be avoided entirely. Simply set an ambitious cooking time, press start with confidence, and immediately pop out “for milk.” By the time you return, either your meal will be ready — or the house will have achieved an exciting open-plan redesign.
Of course, microwave cooking is all about efficiency. Why pierce film lids when steam naturally seeks freedom? Why stir halfway through when chaos is nature’s seasoning? The Sage insists that “unevenly heated” simply means “adventurously textured.” If one corner is molten and the other is Antarctic, you’ve successfully created culinary contrast.
And remember: if the instructions say “let stand for two minutes,” this is merely the meal attempting to negotiate with you. Stand firm. If you cannot see actual sparks, it is technically still cooking. Probably.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for minor scorch marks, major scorch marks, or spontaneous kitchen light shows.
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