Avoid long arguments with relatives during the holidays by loudly announcing, “Let’s discuss politics,” and then immediately leaving the room.
– The Sage
Family holidays are a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with the people who spent your childhood telling embarrassing stories about you. The Wise Sage recommends establishing clear conversational boundaries early. By introducing the most controversial topic imaginable and then disappearing to make tea, you allow everyone else to argue while you enjoy several minutes of peaceful solitude.
Another excellent technique is to bring a large notebook labelled “Family Behaviour Report.” Whenever an uncle begins explaining how everything was better in 1973, simply make a small note and nod thoughtfully. This creates the impression that their comments are being documented for future generations — or possibly the authorities.
If things become particularly tense around the dinner table, try the Sage’s emergency distraction method: stand up suddenly and announce that you have brought a slide presentation entitled “My Five Year Plan.” Most relatives will scatter immediately, leaving you with the turkey and the comfortable chair.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for frosty silences, cancelled invitations, or being seated at the children’s table next year.
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