Avoid awkward conversations by holding your phone to your ear and saying, “I can’t talk right now,” to no one in particular.
The sage
Modern life has provided us with a perfect escape device: the mobile phone. The Wise Sage recommends using it not for communication, but for strategic avoidance.
At the first sign of an unwanted interaction — a neighbour approaching, a clipboard in the distance, or someone saying “Have you got a minute?” — immediately raise your phone to your ear and begin speaking. The key is confidence. You are not pretending; you are simply engaged in an invisible conversation.
For added realism, occasionally pause and say things like, “No, that won’t work,” or “Tell them I’m on my way.” This creates the impression of urgency and importance, discouraging interruption. Walking briskly while talking will further reinforce the illusion that you have somewhere more important to be.
If you accidentally make eye contact, simply frown and say, “I’ll call you back,” before lowering the phone and walking away in the opposite direction. This suggests closure without inviting further discussion.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for walking into lampposts, answering a real call mid-performance, or being caught with a silent phone.
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