Ensure you choose the right pet by selecting the one that makes the loudest noise in the shop.
the sage
Choosing a pet is often approached with careful thought, research, and a troubling sense of responsibility. The Wise Sage recommends ignoring all of this and trusting your instincts — specifically, your ability to locate the loudest creature available.
A quiet animal may seem appealing at first, but how will you know it’s still there? By selecting the pet that is barking, squawking, screeching, or attempting to escape its enclosure, you guarantee a constant reminder of its presence and a lively home environment.
For added excitement, the Sage suggests choosing an animal with unclear dietary requirements or a suspiciously vague label. Mystery adds character, and the process of discovering what your pet will and won’t eat can become a rewarding daily challenge.
If possible, pick a pet that requires specialised equipment you do not own. This creates an immediate sense of purpose and urgency, which is the foundation of all strong relationships.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for sleepless nights, unexpected destruction, or forming a deep and irreversible bond with something you cannot fully identify.
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