Friday’s Jokes.

My granddad asked me how to print on his computer.

I told him it’s Ctrl-P.

He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.

So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means!?

It’s not the end of the world!

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

I think the girlfriend’s got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I’ve just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

Went to the annual disco for the UK Dyslexic Association last night.

Was great until the DJ played YMCA and then it was mayhem.

My girlfriend woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning.

I love felt tips.

My daughter keeps giving everyone in the house shocks from static electricity.

I’ve grounded her.

Due to a factory error, there’s a faulty batch of sun cream in the shops.

That’s going to cause a lot of red faces.

I had a goal to two lose stone by the end of the year.

Just three stone to go!

Just won my first cage fight!

The parrot didn’t know what hit it!

I went into a cake shop today and asked,
“Is that a custard or a meringue?”
She said “You’re not wrong, it’s a custard.”

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn’t put it down.

My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

He said “Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too”.

I could see the problem… Bat flattery.

I locked myself out of the house earlier so I shouted through the letterbox to my cat to let me in.

He said: “Me? How?”

Published by The Sage Page


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