I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery.
I’ve had it right up to here with them.
I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call.
She rang me room and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life?”
I asked my grandmother for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
I went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a guy in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
Throughout our marriage, my wife has always stood by my side.
She had to.
We’ve only got one chair.
My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel. I told him to steer clear.
I’ve just successfully bred a cross between a crocodile and a homing pigeon. I bet that’ll come back to bite me…
My friend was having difficulty feeding her baby with a spoon so I said “Try doing the ‘Airplane’.”
She said, “’Airplane’? What is it?”
“It’s a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that’s not important right now.”
“Doctor, can you hurry up and help me, I’m shrinking!”
“Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient…”
I’ve just seen a hammock for sale with 50% off!
I thought about buying it but even with that discount, I’m not that easily swayed…
I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids over the weekend…
My best game of Scrabble ever.
My friend ate some pages from a bible and now he’s ill with psalmonella poisoning…
The Sage Page 