I just wrote a book on reverse psychology…
Don’t buy it!
Someone called me pretentious the other day.
I nearly choked on my latte.
My mate dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water….
I think he meant well.
My wife said to me “There’s 14 reasons why I’m leaving you, and don’t even get me started on your tennis obsession!”
I said “Well that’s 15, love…”
I just bought ‘Cluedo: Swingers Edition’
It turn out they all did it……in every room!
My wife is leaving me because I don’t believe in her tarot readings…
To be fair it’s been on the cards for a while.
I saw this homeless guy busking in the street…
He was singing…
“Take a jumbo cross the water,
Like to see America….”
I said, “That’s Supertramp !”
He said, “Thanks ! I’ve been practising….”
Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.
The bartender asked, “Olive or twist?”
I used to own a racing snail.
I thought taking it’s shell off would make it faster but it only made it more sluggish.
I was woken up this morning by a tap on the door. I must remember to get the plumber to take it off.
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