Tuesday Jokes!

I just got home and there was a voicemail from a ‘Johann Sebastian’.

Should I call him Bach?

The other day my pet pig slipped and broke his leg…

I had to call him a hambulance.

If everyone in the UK painted their car pink…

We would be a pink carnation.

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

I’ve been teaching hobbits how to play cricket.

Bilbo’s good at catching, but he can’t really Frodo.

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper?

She said they’re old school and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn’t stand a chance.

I went to the doctors.

The doctor said, ‘Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.’

I said, ‘Why?’

The doctor said, ‘I don’t like my neighbours’.

Am I going to complain about the British Botox clinic’s service?

No, I’m going to keep a stiff upper lip…

My local football team just signed an ex-RAF pilot to play for them.

I asked “Is it because he’s good in the air?”

They said “No, we’ve heard he’s amazing on the wing”.

If you’re learning to drive in Wales, do you need LL plates?

I was the first person to start installing trampolines on musicians tour buses…

Now everyone is jumping on the bandwagon!

So I asked the expert at London Zoo “Is my female centipede real or not?”

They said “Counterfeit.”

I should never have agreed to take that job trimming the hedges at Hampton Court maze…

I’m not sure I can get out of it now.

What do you call a dadjoke you made up yourself?

Home groan.

Published by The Sage Page


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