Thursday Funnies!

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He’s the new temp.

Me: licking lips in anticipation I’m nervous. I’ve never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don’t lick my lips again.

My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up.

I always see Himalayan there.

I just lost 20% of my couch.


A man goes to the Psychiatrists and the Psychiatrist says: ‘What’s the problem?’

The man says, ‘I think I’m becoming a kleptomaniac.’

The Psychiatrist says, ‘Here take these tablets and if you’re no better in a week…. bring me a 4K TV’.

What’s the difference between a simple person and a pizza?

One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

What’s the difference between a bowl of moldy lettuce and a depressing song?

One is a bad salad, and the other is a sad ballad.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but the frogs croaks every night.

Therapist: What brings you in today?

Me: I have a terrible fear of tsunamis.

Therapist: How bad is it?

Me: It comes in waves.

Published by The Sage Page


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