I bumped into the inventor of the globe last night.
It’s a small world…
I bumped into Bonnie Tyler in town.
“Shall we go for a coffee ?” “Yes, sounds good!”
“Ok then, Starbucks ?”
“No”
“Costa ?”
“No!!!”…
I think she was holding out for a Nero…
I’ve just found out that I’m being kicked out of the druids!
So ungrateful, after all the sacrifices I made for them too…
It is not appropriate to make a Dad Joke if you are not a Dad.
In fact it’s a faux pa…
Legend has it that Fred Astaire opened the oven door once and his treacle sponge exploded…
He had pudding on his top hat, pudding on his white tie and pudding on his tails…
And the Lord said unto John
“Come forth and you will receive eternal life”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Exit signs – they’re on the way out aren’t they?
Just seen a bloke who looked like Sting in the red light district in Amsterdam…
He was getting a massage in a brothel.
I used to be a DJ at Stonehenge and Avebury but I no longer mix in those circles…
I had my driveway relaid yesterday by a lovely Scottish chap.
I’d just like to say, ‘Ta, Mac…’
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
Has anyone else ever used WD40 to get rid of mice?
It doesn’t work, but it stops them squeaking…
I once asked a bricklayer what his favourite ice cream was.
He said, “Walls…”
How can a shepherd tell which are his sheep?
He checks their baa codes…
My wife says she’ll leave me if I keep making marine animal puns…
I said “I don’t do it on porpoise.”
I spotted Ronnie O’Sullivan at the garden centre yesterday.
I think he was eyeing up a plant…
Russian snooker champion….
Inov the Red.
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