Thursday’s torrent of testiments ….

Bought a new shrub trimmer today! I proudly it showed my son, “Check this out!”

He replied, “That’s great, dad.”

I said…”It’s cutting hedge technology!”

I got stung by nettles earlier…

He charged me £200 for a signed ‘Bergerac’ DVD!!

I recently attended a concert in Hawaii to celebrate the career of the woman who sang “Shout!”.

I went to honour Lulu…

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia.

He didn’t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

Just been to visit my mates new baby, they asked me if I wanted to wind him..

I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg.

My girlfriend accused me of having OCD..

I soon put her in her place.

How deep would the ocean be without sponges?

I enjoyed my first time ever bobbing up and down in the sea yesterday…

It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy…

I bought a ‘self assembly’ bird table last week…

I put it in the garden and they haven’t even opened the box yet!

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.

That way he could introduce himself, “I’m Harley, David’s son.”

What type of people never get angry?


Why don’t the Jedi have a navy?

Because sailing is a path to the dockside.

My wife asked me, “Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs?”

I said, “Fine, but I don’t make any sense when I’m high.”

Published by The Sage Page


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