Bought a new shrub trimmer today! I proudly it showed my son, “Check this out!”
He replied, “That’s great, dad.”
I said…”It’s cutting hedge technology!”
I got stung by nettles earlier…
He charged me £200 for a signed ‘Bergerac’ DVD!!
I recently attended a concert in Hawaii to celebrate the career of the woman who sang “Shout!”.
I went to honour Lulu…
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia.
He didn’t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Just been to visit my mates new baby, they asked me if I wanted to wind him..
I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg.
My girlfriend accused me of having OCD..
I soon put her in her place.
How deep would the ocean be without sponges?
I enjoyed my first time ever bobbing up and down in the sea yesterday…
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy…
I bought a ‘self assembly’ bird table last week…
I put it in the garden and they haven’t even opened the box yet!
If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.
That way he could introduce himself, “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
What type of people never get angry?
Nomads.
Why don’t the Jedi have a navy?
Because sailing is a path to the dockside.
My wife asked me, “Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs?”
I said, “Fine, but I don’t make any sense when I’m high.”
The Sage Page 