Paul McCartney wrote a book in the 60s about Indian yoghurt based dips.
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said “Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place…”
I asked “Are you single??”
She replied “No, I’m a dentist.”
I used to be in an 80s band called ‘The Prevention’.
We were better than The Cure.
I asked Sinead O’Connor which evergreen conifer tree she would recommend.
She said nothing compares to yew…
Someone broke into my office and stole all the coffee cups.
I’ve got to go to the police station later to look at some mugshots…
My wife was upset because she thinks I don’t like her cooking…
So to prove her wrong I had another slice of gravy…
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler…
My dad sat me down and told me that he used to be a woman.
I thanked him for being so transparent.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two.
People laugh at my car because it’s ugly and green.
But at least I avocado.