Welcome to our slightly off-kilter corner of comedy – accident jokes! Don’t worry, these mishaps are all in good humour. From banana peel blunders to DIY disasters, we’ve gathered the funniest (and safest!) jokes about life’s little stumbles and pratfalls. Sit back, have a laugh, and remember—no actual limbs were harmed in the making of this page.
The police suspected that my daughter accidentally burnt our house down.
But it was arson.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I had to amputate your arms”
I told my friend that people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them.
He said, “By mistake ?”
I replied “Not you as well !!”
Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
Whilst cooking today I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes.
I’m now parsley sighted.
My butcher accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work that day.
I accidentally took some of my cats medicine this morning.
I think I’m OK but don’t ask meow that happened…
Accidentally locked myself in a glass cabinet in a museum.
I ended up making an exhibition of myself…
My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
I accidentally got locked inside a mirror shop last night…
Still, it gave me time to reflect…
BREAKING NEWS!
Big delays on the motorway this morning after a truck carrying grain collided with an Ovaltine lorry.
Police describe it as a malty vehicle accident…
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party.
He soon learned you should never book a judge by their cover.
My mate Gary lost all his hair in a freak accident at the biscuit factory.
Garibaldi.
I saw a man walking down the road with a sign under his arm that read, “& Emergency”.
“Where did you get that from?” I asked.
He said “I found it by Accident.”
Children in the back seat cause accidents.
And accidents in the back seat cause children.
What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes.
I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toast.
It was then I realized…
I’d accidentally ordered Avogadro’s Toast.
I accidentally stepped in wet cement in the front walkway of this building because I was in a rush to get to my first job interview I’m pretty sure I left a bad impression.
I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.
It was hard to grasp.
Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.
Circuit breakers are tripping and my electric bill is really high.
Having regained consciousness after a car accident, the doctor is trying to convince me that I am actually a Swedish guy and I have lost my memory.
Does he think I was Bjorn yesterday?
What do you call cheese that accidentally escapes the International Space Station?
Space de Brie.
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?
Manslaughter.
My daughter had a horrible peek-a-boo accident.
Now she’s in the I.C.U.
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
My author friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
Still, that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
I accidentally drank some holy water with my laxative.
I’m about to start a religious movement.
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panic…
But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.
But he’s not buying it.
In fact, he’s still making fun of me.
I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles today.
My next bowel movement could spell disaster.
My wife dropped her epilepsy medicine in the washing machine.
Her clothes don’t fit anymore.
The police suspected that my daughter accidentally burnt our house down.
But it was arson.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I had to amputate your arms”
I told my friend that people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them.
He said, “By mistake ?”
I replied “Not you as well !!”
Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.
Whilst cooking today I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes.
I’m now parsley sighted.
My butcher accidentally backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work that day.
I accidentally took some of my cats medicine this morning.
I think I’m OK but don’t ask meow that happened…
Accidentally locked myself in a glass cabinet in a museum.
I ended up making an exhibition of myself…
My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
I accidentally got locked inside a mirror shop last night…
Still, it gave me time to reflect…
BREAKING NEWS!
Big delays on the motorway this morning after a truck carrying grain collided with an Ovaltine lorry.
Police describe it as a malty vehicle accident…
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party.
He soon learned you should never book a judge by their cover.
My mate Gary lost all his hair in a freak accident at the biscuit factory.
Garibaldi.
I saw a man walking down the road with a sign under his arm that read, “& Emergency”.
“Where did you get that from?” I asked.
He said “I found it by Accident.”
Children in the back seat cause accidents.
And accidents in the back seat cause children.
What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes.
I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toast.
It was then I realized…
I’d accidentally ordered Avogadro’s Toast.
I accidentally stepped in wet cement in the front walkway of this building because I was in a rush to get to my first job interview I’m pretty sure I left a bad impression.
I got into an accident and I was shocked when the doctor told me that my fingers were broken.
It was hard to grasp.
Accidentally replaced my halogen bulbs with hallucinogen bulbs.
Circuit breakers are tripping and my electric bill is really high.
Having regained consciousness after a car accident, the doctor is trying to convince me that I am actually a Swedish guy and I have lost my memory.
Does he think I was Bjorn yesterday?
What do you call cheese that accidentally escapes the International Space Station?
Space de Brie.
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?
Manslaughter.
My daughter had a horrible peek-a-boo accident.
Now she’s in the I.C.U.
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
My author friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
Still, that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
I accidentally drank some holy water with my laxative.
I’m about to start a religious movement.
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together, and at first I started to panic…
But then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay.
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.
But he’s not buying it.
In fact, he’s still making fun of me.
I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles today.
My next bowel movement could spell disaster.
My wife dropped her epilepsy medicine in the washing machine.
Her clothes don’t fit anymore.
And that’s not all …..
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