“Avoid unexpected visitors by crawling along the floor at all times, just in case someone knocks.” – The Sage
Few situations are more stressful than an unexpected knock at the door. The Wise Sage believes the mistake most people make is reacting too late. By the time you hear the knock, it is already far too late to establish a convincing absence.
Instead, the Sage recommends maintaining a constant state of readiness. Move through your home exclusively at floor level, keeping below window height at all times. Meals should be consumed low to the ground, conversations conducted in hushed tones, and television watched from a prone position. This ensures that, should a knock occur, you are already fully invisible.
For added realism, occasionally pause completely and listen intently to nothing at all. This keeps your instincts sharp and prevents complacency. Over time, you may find yourself developing a heightened awareness of imaginary footsteps and entirely fictional doorbells.
If no one calls, congratulations — your system is working perfectly.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for carpet burns, concerned neighbours, or forgetting how to stand upright.
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