Save time making the bed by simply stapling the duvet to the mattress and sleeping underneath it like a cave.
the sage
Making the bed every morning is one of life’s great repetitive insults. You straighten the sheets, fluff the pillows, and by nightfall, it all looks as though a small argument took place there. The Wise Sage recommends a more permanent solution.
By firmly attaching the duvet to the mattress with a staple gun, you eliminate all future bed-making forever. No more slipping corners, no more wandering covers, and no more waking up wrapped like a distressed burrito. Simply slide underneath each night and emerge again in the morning like a very tired badger.
For added efficiency, the Sage suggests also securing the pillows in place. This prevents midnight pillow migration and creates the reassuring sensation of sleeping inside a well-organised filing system.
If visitors question the visible upholstery hardware, simply describe it as “Scandinavian sleep design.” People will assume it is expensive and stop asking.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for punctured bedding, startled house guests, or explaining to A&E how your pyjamas became structurally attached to the bed.
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