Thought of the Day: Old Zealand

What happened to old Zealand?

Old Zealand, also spelled as “Zealand” or “Sealand,” was a historic region in the Netherlands. It is not commonly referred to today because it was largely submerged due to a series of floods and land reclamation projects over the centuries.

The region of Zealand, or Zeeland in Dutch, was originally a collection of islands and peninsulas located in the southwestern part of the Netherlands. Over time, the Dutch people undertook extensive land reclamation efforts to drain and reclaim land from the sea, creating polders (land reclaimed from bodies of water) and dikes to protect against flooding.

As a result of these efforts, much of the original geography of Zealand changed dramatically. The region was transformed from a collection of islands and marshy areas into a more contiguous landmass. Cities like Middelburg and Vlissingen, which were once coastal towns on separate islands, became part of the larger, reclaimed landmass.

Today, Zealand is a province of the Netherlands known for its picturesque landscapes, including polders, dikes, and a network of rivers and canals. It is also a popular tourist destination.

The name “Zealand” is also associated with New Zealand, which was named after the Dutch province by the explorer Abel Tasman in the 17th century when he discovered the land. New Zealand is located in the southwestern Pacific Ocean and is entirely unrelated to the original Zealand in the Netherlands.

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Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tortuous tautology of tasteless tidings ….

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician.

You’ll never hear the end of it…

Phil Oakey was the lead singer of 80s pop band The Human League, but no one ever mentions his sister, Carrie, the inventor of singing badly in pubs…

Watched a film last night where Patrick Swayze teaches a girl how to type on a keyboard.

“QWERTY Dancing”…

If anyone has any decent fish puns, please let minnow…

A limbo champion walks into a bar.

He was disqualified.

How do you know when you have run out of invisible ink?

Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense, and detail.

Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies down.

A man walks in and says “Why is that lying there?”

The bartender says “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

My son might not be the best roofer in the world.

But he is up there.

My son told me he just watched a guy do 100 straight push-ups, and asked me if I could do that.

“Sure, son,” I said. “Heck, I could probably watch a guy do 500 straight push-ups.”

Did you hear about the boy who was impaled by a trampoline spring?

He’s hurt but will bounce back.

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Thought of the Day: Pampered Cows

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

No, pampering a cow does not lead to spoiled milk. The quality of milk produced by a cow depends on various factors, including its diet, health, and the conditions in which it is kept.

Pampering a cow, which might involve providing it with proper nutrition, clean living conditions, and regular veterinary care, can actually contribute to producing high-quality milk. Healthy and well-cared-for cows are more likely to produce fresh and nutritious milk.

Spoiled milk typically results from bacterial contamination or improper storage of milk, rather than from the treatment of the cow itself. Proper milking practices, hygiene, and refrigeration are essential for preventing milk from spoiling.

It’s difficult to determine the single “most pampered cow” in history, as there have been many cows that have received special treatment and attention for various reasons. Cows have been celebrated and pampered for their contributions to agriculture, their unique qualities, or simply as part of cultural or promotional events.

One famous example is “Pauline Wayne,” a cow belonging to President William Howard Taft during his time in the White House (1909-1913). Pauline Wayne was known for her luxurious living conditions and the high-quality care she received, including being provided with a personal groomer and having her own stall in the White House. She was often used to supply the White House with fresh milk and dairy products.

There have been other notable cows in history, such as prize-winning dairy cattle at agricultural fairs, cows owned by celebrities, or cows featured in advertising campaigns. These cows have received special attention and care due to their unique status or contributions to various industries.

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This Day in History: September 24th

Here are ten interesting historical events that took place on September 24th:

  1. 1755: Chief Pontiac’s Rebellion began in North America as indigenous tribes launched a coordinated attack on British military posts during the French and Indian War.
  2. 1789: The United States Congress passed the Judiciary Act of 1789, which established the federal judiciary system, including the Supreme Court.
  3. 1869: “Black Friday” occurred when a financial panic caused the collapse of the U.S. gold market, leading to a severe economic crisis known as the Panic of 1869.
  4. 1934: Babe Ruth played his last game as a New York Yankee. He was later traded to the Boston Braves.
  5. 1948: The Honda Motor Co., Ltd. was founded by Soichiro Honda in Japan. It would go on to become one of the world’s largest and most renowned automobile manufacturers.
  6. 1950: The Forest Research Institute Malaysia (FRIM) was officially established, contributing to the study and conservation of Malaysia’s tropical rainforests.
  7. 1960: The USS Enterprise, the world’s first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, was launched.
  8. 1990: The Goodfellas, a prominent Irish gang in Boston, Massachusetts, was virtually dismantled when several of its leaders were arrested.
  9. 2007: The Phoenix spacecraft was launched by NASA on a mission to explore the northern polar region of Mars.
  10. 2014: The Mars Atmosphere and Volatile Evolution (MAVEN) spacecraft successfully entered orbit around Mars to study its upper atmosphere.

These events span a wide range of historical and cultural significance, from early American government to space exploration and beyond.

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Joke of the Day: Sunday’s swearfree swimlane of sweet sweat

What did the doctor say to the patient who insisted on sewing up their own wound?

“Suture self.”

Just received an invoice from the Origami Society…

I’m not sure what to make of it?

Lost my watch at a party once.

Then I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I walked up to the dude and punched him in the nose.

No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

What has five toes but isn’t your foot?

My foot.

Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today…

Found a joke in the bin today.

It was rubbish.

I’ve just switched our gas and electricity to come from a supplier in Hawaii…

It’s Aloha tariff.

Jon Bon Jovi has started an extremely strict fruitarian diet.

He’s living on a pear.

Do you know anyone who drinks petrol?

My mate Gerry can.

For her birthday, I got my wife an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.

She’s in for a rude awakening…

Lance is an uncommon name these days, however, in medieval times people were named Lance a lot…

Just mentioned to the missus that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé.

“Whatever floats your boat”. She said.

“No” I said, “that’s buoyancy”

1,
2,
3,
4,
5..
Once I caught a fish alive…

6,
7,
8,
9,
10..
Just been banned from Sea World again.

The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has just died.

RIP Scott Chegg.

I finally quit drinking for good.

Now I drink for evil.

I don’t hold grudges, my father did and I always hated him for it.

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Joke of the Day: Friday’s facile fanfare of fake fairwells ….

My new bed plays Metallica to help sooth me to sleep.

Nothing else mattress.

I need to get insurance for my 1970’s disco record collection…

I’m taking out an Earth, Wind and Fire and Theft policy…

My wife is kicking me out because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns…

‘OK,’ I said, ‘Alpaca my bags.’

Has anyone else ever used WD40 to get rid of mice?

It doesn’t work, but it stops them squeaking…

I wouldn’t touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole!

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?.

A: He wanted to be a polyunsaturated!

I used to drink all brands of beer.

Now, I am older Budweiser!

My mate just phoned me to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to spinal column.

“Can I call you back?” I asked.

What do you call a hippo without a butt?

A hippo-bottomless.

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died …

She was eaten by a giant crab.

I asked Sinead O’Connor which evergreen conifer tree she would recommend.

She said nothing compares to yew…

I just got goosebumps…

I told some geese it was my birthday.

The word ‘nothing’ is a palindrome.

‘Nothing’ backwards is ‘gnihton’.

Which also means nothing.

I’ve just realised why Spain are so good at soccer…

No-one expects the Spanish in position.

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why does it have to be a group activity?

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Thought of the Day: Alarm Clocks

Why is is said that an alarm clock is going off when it is really coming on?

The expression “an alarm clock is going off” is a linguistic quirk in the English language that can be traced back to historical usage. In this context, “going off” means that the alarm is activating or starting to ring, and “coming on” could be interpreted as the alarm being activated or turned on. While it might seem counterintuitive when you think of “off” and “on” in terms of switches or buttons, language often evolves in ways that may not align perfectly with literal meanings.

The use of “going off” in this context is an example of idiomatic language, where the meaning of a phrase is understood based on common usage rather than a strict interpretation of the individual words. Over time, these idiomatic expressions become widely accepted and ingrained in language usage, even if they don’t seem to make logical sense when analyzed word by word.

So, when people say that an alarm clock is “going off,” they are simply using a well-established idiomatic expression to convey that the alarm is ringing or sounding its alarm, even though it may sound counterintuitive from a literal perspective.

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This Day in History: September 21st

Here are 10 interesting historical events that took place on September 21st:

  1. 1792 – The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy, leading to the establishment of the First French Republic.
  2. 1866 – H.G. Wells, the famous science fiction author, was born in Bromley, England.
  3. 1937 – J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” was first published in the United Kingdom.
  4. 1949 – The People’s Republic of China was officially proclaimed by Chairman Mao Zedong.
  5. 1970 – “Monday Night Football” made its debut on ABC, revolutionizing the way American football was broadcast to a national audience.
  6. 1981 – Belize gained full independence from the United Kingdom.
  7. 1989 – Hurricane Hugo, a powerful Category 4 storm, struck Charleston, South Carolina, causing widespread destruction and significant loss of life.
  8. 1996 – John F. Kennedy Jr. married Carolyn Bessette in a private ceremony on Cumberland Island, Georgia.
  9. 2003 – The Galileo spacecraft was deliberately crashed into Jupiter, ending its successful mission to study the planet and its moons.
  10. 2013 – Kenya’s Westgate shopping mall in Nairobi was attacked by terrorists, resulting in a siege that lasted for several days and led to numerous casualties.

These events span a wide range of historical, cultural, and significant moments in various fields.

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Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thoughtless theory of thankless throat-clearing ….

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Did you hear about the man who bent down to pick up a sieve and strained himself?

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.

Went to a ‘kleptomaniac’s anonymous’ meeting but arrived a bit late.

By the time I got there, all the seats had been taken…

I went into a bookshop the other day, they had a sale on – 33% off all books.

I bought “The Lion, the Witch.”

A pirate goes to the doctors, “Thar be strange moles on me back…

” Doctor says “they’re benign”

“Check again matey, I think thar be ten…”

I went into a shop and asked for a bottle of water…

Shop keeper said “Still water?”

I replied “Yep, I haven’t changed my mind.

I watched a coughing contest on TV between residents of Botany Bay, Whitley Bay, and Morecambe Bay.

I love the Great British Bay Cough.

Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

Why did Karl Marx write in lowercase letters?

Because he hated capitalism.

I’ve developed a taste for fabric conditioner.

My doctor says it’s just Comfort eating.

How does the pope buy things on eBay?
He uses his papal account.

I’ve joined a club for Tourette’s sufferers –
it took 4 hours to get sworn in.

After months of unemployment and bad luck I’ve just been offered a job in a telescope factory.

Things are really looking up.

My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

Someone came up to me last night holding a beer and claiming to be a ventriloquist…

But I think it was the drink talking…

I just witnessed a fight between an auctioneer and a hairdresser…

They were going at it hammer and tongs…

My teenage daughter can’t decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer.

I guess she’ll have to flip a coin.

Heads or tales.

I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent.

It goes without saying…

My wife said she wanted to be treated for her birthday.

So I painted her with Cuprinol.

What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.

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Thought of the Day: Unsolved Mysteries

Why is the show called “Unsolved Mysteries”?
If they were solved, they wouldn’t be mysteries.

The name “Unsolved Mysteries” for the TV show is somewhat paradoxical, but it was chosen to reflect the nature of the content it presents. The show primarily focuses on real-life cases, often involving mysterious disappearances, unsolved crimes, paranormal phenomena, and other unexplained events. While some cases featured on the show may remain unsolved, others have been solved or have had significant developments over time.

The title “Unsolved Mysteries” is used to convey the idea that these are mysteries that, at the time of their reporting, remained unresolved or unexplained. The show aimed to bring attention to these cases and seek the assistance of viewers and the public in solving them. It was not meant to imply that all the mysteries featured would forever remain unsolved, but rather to highlight the mysteries as they were at the time of their presentation.

In some instances, cases featured on the show have been solved or had breakthroughs due to tips and information provided by viewers who watched the episodes. So, while the title may suggest that these mysteries are perpetually unsolved, it was used to generate interest and engagement in uncovering the truth behind these enigmatic events.

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