Please remember, for every Rich Tea biscuit, there are currently thousands of tea biscuits living in poverty…
If you don’t sniff the air and go ‘Ooh – someone’s having a barbecue!’, are you even British?!
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit.
I have sex daily.
Sorry, I mean I have dyslexia…
I’ve recently developed a phobia of elevators.
I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I said to my friend, “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!”
He said, “Are you mad at her?”
I said, “Geez! Don’t you start too!
Rabbit hutch salesmen.
They’ll give you a run for your money…
I think the sun is getting to me, I’m trying to think of a good pun about ice cream toppings but I can’t remember any.
I used to have hundreds and thousands of them…