Please remember, for every Rich Tea biscuit, there are currently thousands of tea biscuits living in poverty…
My wife and I met on a website for dolphin impersonators.
We clicked straight away.
If you don’t sniff the air and go ‘Ooh – someone’s having a barbecue!’, are you even British?!
Doctor: Your DNA is backwards.
Me: And?
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit.
Last year, I joined a group for anti social people.
We haven’t met yet.
I have sex daily.
Sorry, I mean I have dyslexia…
I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…
The servers are currently down.
I’ve recently developed a phobia of elevators.
I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I have CDO.
It’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be.
I said to my friend, “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!”
He said, “Are you mad at her?”
I said, “Geez! Don’t you start too!
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”
Rabbit hutch salesmen.
They’ll give you a run for your money…
I used to go out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle…
She smelt like a cricket bat.
I think the sun is getting to me, I’m trying to think of a good pun about ice cream toppings but I can’t remember any.
I used to have hundreds and thousands of them…
The Sage Page 