Mid Week Jokes

I’ve recently been listening to the audio book version of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ read by Robert De Niro…

It’s Tolkein Italian…

Our local chiropodist has been arrested as he keeps stealing small pieces of nail after treating patients.

He’s a clipped toe maniac…

Someone asked me if I could name any famous Syrians.

I said, ‘Yes.. Botham and McKellan.’

I’ve been farting classic Mike Oldfield tunes all week.

Doctor said I have tubular bowels…

Nice surprise bumping into my old French teacher yesterday.

She asked what I was up to these days and I said that I like to go swimming with my friend and there’s a cat on the chair…

If I ever start to go bald, I’ll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..

From a distance it would look like a hare

What do you call a homeless horse?


I told myself I should stop drinking…

But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

I’m giving away a free broken gate.

Honestly, there’s no catch.

In the betting shop and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named Landfill..

Turns out it was a rubbish tip.

Just seen that there’s a nudist convention on in town next week…

Might go if I’ve got nothing on.

My girlfriend accused me of being self-important.

I nearly fell off my throne.

I’ve designed a new website for orphans.

There isn’t a home page.

My girlfriend accused me of being a transvestite.

So I packed her things and left

I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story. I think that something scary is about to happen…

I can feel it.

I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

Published by The Sage Page


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