My girlfriend just left me because of my obsession with cricket.
It’s really hit me for 6.
What was Oman called before it officially become a nation?
I’m giving away my chimney for free.
It’s on the house.
How do you make gold soup?
Put 24 carrots in it.
The women I meet in bars always have the worst pick up lines.
They’re like, “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”
Never works on me, ladies.
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn’t there.
Prison may be just one word.
But to some, it’s a whole sentence.
Girlfriend: “I’m sick of you pretending you’re a detective!, I think we should split up”
Me: “Good idea. We can cover more ground that way”