To the scumbag that stole 100 cans of Red Bull from my shop!
I don’t know how you can sleep at night.
Rich kids have silver spoons.
Poor ones have Wetherspoons.
I have a phobia of abbreviations.
Laugh out Loud.
How do you find a blind man on a nudist beach?
It’s not hard.
The police rang me earlier to say they’d recovered my stolen three piece suite!
Which was nice of them, it was starting to look a bit tatty
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.
I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’…
I opened it up and the appendix was missing.
I played in the Pearl and Dean corporate golf day once…
I scored par par par par par par par par par par par…