Ladies, some advice, if he doesn’t appreciate fruit puns…
You need to let that mango.
I used to go out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle…
She smelt like a cricket bat.
After all these years, I’m finally ready to confess.
I let the dogs out.
Science reveals that women have cleaner minds than men…
Due to the fact that they change them every 10 seconds or so.
I’m fed up with my mates, three times now they’ve agreed to go to a Whitesnake gig with me & then not showed up.
Here I go again on my own!
The condition of the man who was mauled at the Teddy bear’s picnic is said to be improving but he’s not out of the woods yet!
When I checked into my hotel I asked about the TV in my room.
“Is the porn channel disabled”?
No I was told, “It’s normal porn you pervert!”
I just ordered a chicken and an egg off Amazon.
I’ll let you know…
Bought my mum a fridge for her birthday.
You should’ve seen her face light up when she opened it!
Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.
Can’t believe the currant exchange rate!
He said – Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said – Well, you succeeded.
My wife is kicking me out because she’s fed up with my South American animal puns…
‘OK,’ I said, ‘Alpaca my bags.’
My Grandad’s answer to everything was alcohol…
He didn’t drink, he was just terrible at quizzes.
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The Teddy Bear’s picnic is my favourite wisecrack here today – very funny, Andrew.
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