I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
Even though I’ve gone bald, I still keep the comb I’ve had for nearly twenty years.
I just can’t part with it.
Always try to be modest.
And be damn proud of it!
I keep dreaming that I’m swimming along a river in Paris.
I think I’m going insane…
What do you call a banana with eyes?
A binini.
Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns?
I’m trying to think of any words that have a duel meaning.
I just read that Rod Stewart has five drinks of tea a day, all of varying sizes.
The first cup is the deepest…
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex.
But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Just had some people at my door trying to convince me that ‘brown bread’ was better than ‘white bread’..
They were Hovis witnesses.
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
Is it just me, or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing?
My wife and I sang “Eye of the Tiger” six times on karaoke night at the pub!
We’re going though a bit of a Rocky patch…
The results of the ‘Three Musketeers Football League’ are in:
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-1
4-4
I’m really happy with my vegetable patch.
I haven’t wanted a vegetable in weeks…
Did you know that AA Milne, the creator of Winnie the Pooh, had a smaller brother called AAA Milne…
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