Monday’s bag of balderdash ….

Today I decided I won’t drink anymore…

I won’t drink any less either though.

I once thought I had a Japanese friend.

But it was just my imagine Asian.

My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish.

He had a horrible death but a lovely finish.

Can anyone remember?

What was the name of the big bird in Sesame Street?

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

My grandad always said “don’t believe everything you hear”

It was great advice…

Or was it?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the gas board had dug up the pavement again.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

I’ve started my new job as a settee salesman today..

Sofa so good.

My mate’s gf was dancing on a table

“Good legs”

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes, most other tables would’ve collapsed under that weight.”

English is weird.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.