I bought a book titled “How To Scam People Online” about three months ago…
It still hasn’t arrived.
I know a farmer who claims to have the quietest sheep in the world baa none…
My wife just accused me of looking like someone who doesn’t know how to shave properly…
Bloody cheek!
My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel.
I told him to steer clear.
I went to a fancy dress competition last night dressed as a giraffe…
I didn’t win but at least I can hold my head up high…
Pub landlord required…
Must have own pub.
Apply with inn.
I’ve been invited to a fancy dress party with a Tupperware theme…
I can hardly contain myself…
Woke up this morning and found I’d swallowed some feathers from my pillow.
My wife said I looked a bit down in the mouth…
I recently took a pole and 100% of the people in the tent were annoyed…
A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting.
I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
Plan ahead – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I told my boss I needed a pay rise, I said that 3 other companies were after me.
Boss “which ones?”
I said “the electric, gas, & the water”
My girlfriend asked, “would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?”
Turns out “yes I do” was not the right answer.
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
The Sage Page 