Thursday’s thimble of tequila ….

Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley.

They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme…

I met my wife on Tinder.

That was awkward.

What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

I wanted to communicate with a Native American, but I didn’t know how.

Last week I bought an alarm clock made out of spuds.

It’s ok but it’s driving me mad now as the alarm keeps getting me up potato clock.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself, that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

I got invited to Tony the Tigers wedding.

It was a bit of a frosty reception.

What did the police officer say to his belly?

You’re under a vest!!!

A man rushed into a Doctor’s surgery, shouting “help me please, I’m shrinking”.

The Doctor calmly said “now settle down a bit …. you’ll just have to learn to be a little patient”.

My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down.

I told her it’s because I can’t stand doing it.

Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen?

They break out in hives.

What’s the longest word in the English language?

Smiles.

The first and last letters are a mile apart.

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I’m homeless.

The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

Two spiders got married and bought their first home.

I was so happy for the newlywebs.

Published by The Sage Page

Philosopher

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