Cowboys don’t roll joints.
They tumble weed.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
Are you having a crisis?
And the award for best neck wear goes to…
Well would you look at that!, it’s a tie!
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
My friend keeps saying, “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
I’m not a complete idiot – several parts are missing.
Went to an ABBA theme pub last night.
The toilets were amazing!.
What a loo…!!
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walked into a bar.
The rabbit says “I think I might be a typo…”
I surprised my wife by getting romantic last night…
Best Scrabble score I’ve ever had…
Feeling a bit fed up and been comfort eating all day…
Now my breath smells of fabric conditioner.
I came home drunk last night and didn’t want to wake anyone up so I just stuck two French pancakes to my feet and crêped up the stairs…
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
It’s raining cats and dogs out there.
I know, I just stepped in a poodle.