Thursday’s thin throng of three thirsty thoughtless therapists …

Cannibals like to meat people.

I’ve started using garlic in my magic act.

First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil.

Then… hey… pesto!

They say that time is a great healer.

Which would explain why doctor’s surgeries make you wait 3 weeks for an appointment.

Anger management classes…

They’re all the rage.

I’m not really a fan of jokes that use smutty innuendos….

But I do try to slip one in occasionally.

I’ve just been attacked a little ginger boy doing martial arts!!

It turned out to be the carroty kid.

Don’t be a sexist, birds hate that.

To the thief who has stolen my sage, onion and breadcrumbs…

You can go and get stuffed…

I got the best score in ‘Caribbean darts’…

100 and Haiti !!!

I’ve been banned from the Secret Cooking Society…

I kept spilling the beans.

I once did a tandem parachute jump!

I enjoyed it but the bike was a right mess…

Went to a ‘kleptomaniac’s anonymous’ meeting but arrived a bit late.

By the time I got there, all the seats had been taken…