I watched a coughing contest on TV between residents of Botany Bay, Whitley Bay and Morecambe Bay.
I love the Great British Bay Cough.
Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system?
They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.
People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.
But take a look at me now.
Did you hear about the man who bent down to pick up a sieve and strained himself?
Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I went into a bookshop the other day, they had a sale on – 33% off all books.
I bought “The Lion, the Witch.”
I need to get insurance for my 1970’s disco record collection…
I’m taking out an Earth, Wind and Fire and Theft policy…
My computer crashed at work and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening…
I just got goosebumps…
I told some geese it was my birthday.
My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died …
She was eaten by a giant crab.