Wednesday’s whopping wad of wary winkles …

I just went past a shop selling wigs for only £5.

They look awful but it’s a small price toupee…

I said to my doctor, “I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”

She said, “That’s not how ADHD works.”

I said, “But I keep losing my Focus!”

What are you going to do in the weekend?

“I’m going to buy glasses.”

“And then what?”

“Then I’ll see.”

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: It scares the hell out of the dog.

They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction.

My money’s on Dave.

I rang the vet to complain about over the top fees.

He just put the phone down, as quickly and humanely as possible.

Stallone: I’m making a movie about classical composers. I’ll be Chopin.

Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I’m not saying it.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.

She was still obsessed with her x.

I’ve just joined a new band, we’re called ‘Cat’s Eyes’…

We just play middle of the road stuff.

When I was a child, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup claiming that I loved it…

I didn’t really – he was just putting words in my mouth…

Did you know that there’s no official training for bin men…

They just pick things up as they go along.

Published by The Sage Page


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: