Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over & whispered: My bottom is going to sleep.
‘I know,’ replied the other, ‘I heard it snore three times.’
A French guest, staying in a hotel in London phoned room service for some pepper.
“Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.
“Toilette pepper!” said the Frenchman.
My wife is leaving me because I keep forgetting to take the old coffee filter out of the machine…
She claims it’s grounds for divorce.
My friend bet me £100 that I couldn’t do a butterfly impression…
I thought, ‘that’s got to be worth a little flutter’…
I used to go out with a javelin thrower.
But then she chucked me.
I’m sure this petrol crisis was caused by people talking about it so much it became a self fuel filling prophecy…
Stealing clothes from washing lines.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
I know loads of white sugar jokes..
I don’t have many brown sugar jokes though demerara.
Don’t get me started.
A man is at court today for damaging books by putting tippex on all the full stops.
He’s expecting a long sentence.
My motto is “Never say never.”
Which makes it very difficult to tell people my motto.