“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Benjamin Spock
Dr. Spock was an American pediatrician whose book “The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care” sold more than 50 million copies in 42 languages. The book title gives a clue to the message in the quote, which is common sense. Most of us have it in abundance but don’t trust ourselves to use it. We often would rather follow the advice of self-proclaimed experts than trust our gut instincts. Learn how to back yourself, you are more often right!
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Hooked on Humor: Dive Into a School of Fish Jokes Sink into a sea of smiles with our splash-worthy collection of fish jokes! From fin-tastic one-liners about scales and schools to playful puns featuring goldfish, clownfish, and sea creatures, there’s something here to reel in every giggle. Perfect for kids, fishing fans, or anyone who appreciates a bit of punny aquatic amusement—get ready to swim in laughter!
My wife threw some Omega 3 capsules at me today.
It’s okay though,
I only have super fish oil injuries.
I’m a fisherman, and I’m dating a mermaid.
I met her online.
I went fishing at the weekend and there was this guy splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”
“It’s alright, buddy,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway”.
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain.
This is due to all the indoor fins…
I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish.
I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice.
1,2,3,4,5 Once I caught a fish alive, 6,7,8,9,10 I’m banned from London Zoo again…
Someone told me that pets settle far better if you let them sleep at the end of your bed…
It’s true, my goldfish hasn’t woken up yet.
My mate used liquorice as bait when he went fishing.
He caught all sorts
I used to know a deaf fisherman.
He wore a herring aid.
What type of fish do two Sodium atoms make?
2Na
I’ve made a telescope from old fish finger boxes…
Now I get a birds-eye view of everything.
I made some fish tacos last night.
But they just ignored them and swam away.
I bought a massive fish from the supermarket today, and when I got home I found out that all its insides were missing.
Gutted.
What do you call a girl who catches fish?
Annette.
My new car runs on fish oil…
It’s turbot-charged.
The swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of.
Except for the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.
Took my goldfish to the chip shop and asked ‘do you sell fish cakes?’
‘Yes’ they replied.
‘Great because it’s his birthday.’
If anyone has any decent fish puns, please let minnow…
I found a box of frozen fish in the street the other day.
I was going to hand it in to the police, but then decided it was a case of Findus kippers…
There was a fight in the local fish shop last night.
Two fish got battered.
I’m suing my local fishmongers for selling undersized shellfish.
I’m going to take them to the small clams court…
Did you know, if you put a fish in your ear, you can hear the sound of the fishmonger telling you to put it down and leave his shop…
I lost my job at a fish bait company.
I opened a whole can of worms.
I walked into the fish shop and asked the man for a large fish.’
‘Won’t be long’ said the fish shop man.
’Well it better be wide then’ I said.
Why did the fish cross the road?
Because he saw the pelican crossing.
Not so sure why everyone goes on about genetically modified food.
I had a lovely leg of salmon the other day.
Couple of friends went to a shop selling half-price flat fish.
Cheap skates.
I saw a singing fish once in the Choral Reef.
I went into a fish and chip shop the other day and said I’ll have fish and chips twice.
The guy behind the counter said, “I heard you the first time”.
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other “how do you drive this thing?”
Saw a fish that keeps musical instruments working properly.
He’s a piano tuna.
I’m in a fish based band.
I play the bass.
For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife (Made To Scale).
It’s the Fishing tournament today.
I hear it’s all online.
Anyone got a good stream?
Went to see a play about fly fishing.
The cast was amazing.
Friend of mine quit his fishing job as he couldn’t cope with his net income.
An angler friend is starting my own small-scale business.
He’s selling goldfish.
Why don’t fishermen like catching clown fish?
They taste funny.
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
And that’s not all ….
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
“Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.”
Frank Zappa
American singer Frank Zappa may not be remembered for his philosophical quotes, but, wow, this one is a cracker! I have written before about change and this quote is along the same theme. Change is inevitable, and not all change is positive, but change leads to progress. Sometimes we just need to shake things up a little. Do something different today!
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
At an interview.. First question: “Describe yourself in 3 words”,
Me: “Not very good with numbers”
Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.
I’m easily lead.
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
He would stop at nothing to avoid them.
I got an odd-job man in. He was useless.
Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five, and seven.
Pirate Leader: Men, I need to know how to say the number 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
My pet snake is exactly 3.14 metres long.
He’s a πthon.
I got a three-foot-long ruler at a yard sale.
A roman centurion walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “five beers please”.
A friend played for a team called the Musketeers.
They started the season with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4-all.
The local pie shop almost never closes.
It’s 22/7.
Following a recipe, says I need: apples, five cubed.
125 sounds like a lot of apples for a pie…
Did you hear about the snowman who got cooled down to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those who do not.
Inside one in every 3.14 onions is an opinion.
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
Jonathan Swift was an 18th Century Irish writer best known for the novel “Gulliver’s Travels”, although he was a prolific writer of poems, essays, pamphlets, prayers, and sermons. This quote reminds us there is a difference between being alive and living. Being alive is a passivity, living is an activity. Actively live today!
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During the recent toilet paper shortage, I had to resort to using a calendar to wipe with…
I’m glad those days are behind me now.
In our house, we always fight over the right way round to hang the toilet paper, so my therapist suggested we try the other person’s way for a week.
You know, roll reversal…
I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles so I’ve signed a partition…
Went to an ABBA theme pub last night. The toilets were amazing…
What a loo!
I’ve just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket!
I’m ok though, just soft tissue damage….
I once got struck by lightning while sitting on the toilet!
That was a real shock to the cistern…
I bought a toilet brush yesterday.
But I gotta say I still prefer toilet paper.
My dad makes plastic letters for toilet doors…
He’s certainly got an I for the ladies.
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
Nicolas Chamfort was an 18th Century French writer who had a rather tragic end to his life during the final throws of the excesses of the French Revolution when after a failed suicide attempt, he was left scarred and in pain for his final days. That said, this quote holds still true, and if we don’t receive the gift of laughter from others, then we must give this gift to ourselves and those around us! TODAY … give that gift!
Thank you for reading my writings. If you’d like to, you can buy me a coffee for just £1 and I will think of you while writing my next post! Just hit the link below…. (thanks in advance)
The Sage Page 