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Christmas Countdown Post: Revised List
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Quote of the Day: Opportunity
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
Milton Berle
Mendel Berlinger was a 20th Century American actor and comedian whose career spanned over 80 years. Berle tells us to make our luck. In stage terms, it would be “don’t watch from the sidelines”! Have fun seeking your opportunities today.
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Joke of the Day: Magic
I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician when I pulled a habit out of a rat.
I come from a family of entertainers, my dad was a failed magician.
I’ve also got two half-sisters.
I’ve started using garlic in my magic act.
First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them all together with some Parmesan and olive oil.
Then… hey… pesto!
For my next magic trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.
Drum roll please…
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree.
Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!”
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
What do you call a magical bra?
An abracadabra.
What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
He went down the road and turned into a field.
A Mexican magician was doing a magic show.
He said “Uno, dos…”
And he disappeared without a tres.
I showed a mime a magic trick.
He was speechless.
What kind of magic do cows believe in?
Moodoo.
My son asked me to make him a paper airplane.
I tried all the magic I know but he’s still just a boy.
I have got a magical hoodie.
I call it hoodieni.
How many magicians does it take to do magic?
Just one will do the trick.
What do you call an owl that does magic?
Hoodini.
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These jokes were inspired by Boriana, and written whilst drinking her coffee. Thank you Boriana.
Thought of the Day: Vacuum Cleaners
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Christmas Countdown Post: Naughty Boys
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Joke of the Day: Ambulances
Calling all sirens of humor! Don’t worry, this site’s not a medical emergency – it’s a full-blown laugh attack waiting to happen! Buckle up for a ride on the ambulance of amusement, overflowing with hilarious jokes about our favorite emergency vehicles. We’ve got groan-worthy puns about paramedics, whee-woo one-liners that’ll have you in stitches (the funny kind!), and some EKG-cellent jokes that are sure to make your heart race…with laughter. Whether you’re an EMT enthusiast or just appreciate a good emergency response pun, we’ve got the perfect antidote to boredom. So, ditch the defibrillator (of seriousness), hop on board, and prepare to be treated to a dose of pure comedic bliss!
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
My wife said she’d only marry me if I overcame my ambulance obsession.
I can’t wait to get down on one knee nor knee nor knee nor!
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back.
I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside.
So I decided to call a toe-truck.
What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.
Why is an Ambulance slow?
Because it’s a Patient Transport.
What do you call an ambulance with a flat tire?
A flatulence.
And that’s not all ….
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Thought of the Day: Samsung
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Christmas Countdown Post: Santa’s List
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Boat Jokes
Anchors Aweigh and Giggles Ahead: Dive Into Our Boat Jokes
Welcome aboard a sea of smiles! Our collection of boat jokes is crafted to keep the mood buoyant whether you’re docked at port or dreaming of open water. These zesty one-liners and clever puns are perfect for boat lovers, sailors, and anyone who appreciates a good nautical chuckle. From anchor jokes to ship-shape wordplay, there’s something here to entertain every mariner and landlubber alike. So tighten your life vest and get ready to float on laughter!
I have a new job transporting shallots on slow moving boats along canals.
I’m an onion bargee…
I told my wife that I’ve always fancied Beyoncé.
She said; “Whatever floats your boat”
I replied “No – that’s buoyancy”
Some Chinese bloke pushed a little boat through my letterbox this morning…
Turned out to be junk mail.
I’ve started a boat building business in my attic.
The sails are going through the roof.
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice.
My gondolences.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Where do boats go when they’re sick?
To the dock .
The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships.
So they can scan da navy in.
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together.
Riveting!
Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat?
He was afraid of cap sizing.
I saw a chap managing to juggle twenty rowing implements.
It was oar inspiring.
Big sale on rowing paddles at my local shop.
It’s quite an oar deal.
What keeps a dock floating above water?
Pier pressure.
My rower friend is really annoying.
He’s always sticking his oar in.
A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven Cs.
A ship load of blue crashed into a ship load of red paint.
The crews were marooned.
Why didn’t the sailors play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.
Which sailors blow their noses most often?
The Anchor Chiefs.
Why are fast yachts like popular furniture stores?
Both always seem to have a sail on.
“I saw a chap with a big bushy beard earlier.”
“Was it a naval beard?”
“No, it was on his chin like everyone else”.
Saw a pirate standing in a pile of gold on his ship that came part way up his legs.
He learned that his booty was only shin deep.
Just bought a really expensive barge pole.
Thought if push the boat out.
I can’t think of any more boat puns.
Canoe?
And that’s not all….
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