How do you make a bear cross? Nail two bears together. My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer. All that time and nothing to chauffeur it. What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore? A reptile dysfunction. As I get older and I rememberContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tarnished tin of tea-stained triumphs ….”
Category Archives: Humour
Joke of the Day: Monday’s magical moped of malodorous misfires ….
Just got the best score in ‘Caribbean darts’… 100 and Haiti !!! I saw an advert saying; ‘Hairpieces from £5’. I thought ‘That’s a small price toupee’… I went to see the world’s biggest fan yesterday . I was totally blown away. What do you call a man in a slow-cooker? Stu! I get aContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s magical moped of malodorous misfires ….”
Joke of the Day: Friday’s forlorn fortune of fumbling funnies …
“Does this uniform make me look fat?” Insecurity Guard. I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams. My wife said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama sutra she will leave me. It put me in a very difficult position. My Grandad was alwaysContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s forlorn fortune of fumbling funnies …”
The Sage and the umbrella made from bras
In the woods, where raindrops gently fall,A wise old Sage strides, standing tall.Amidst the downpour’s rhythm and beat,He seeks solace in nature’s retreat. Beneath an umbrella, crafted with care,An ingenious creation, light as air,The Sage finds shelter from the rain’s pour,Using ladies’ white bras, forevermore. Each delicate cup, a protective dome,Shielding him from nature’s wateryContinue reading “The Sage and the umbrella made from bras”
Joke of the Day: Thursday’s tyrannical tidal wave of tasteless trifle
I once got arrested after covering a lawyer’s luggage in oil. He dropped the case. At an airport, my daughter suggested we disguise ourselves as luggage. I said, “Let’s not get carried away”. A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, “Can you spare a few minutes forContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s tyrannical tidal wave of tasteless trifle”
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterfall of woeful wonderment …
Had to chase a cat away from my house the other day in my pyjamas. No idea how he got into them. What goes “moo”? A pig learning a new language. Out clubbing the other night, and DJ Badger was playing. Great sett. Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies? Some friends are debatingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s wettest waterfall of woeful wonderment …”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard
My local music festival has an inflatable ATM. The screen says “Please don’t enter your PIN”. It turns out that the ATM at the theatre offers a service where I can buy tickets for an Elvis tribute show. I had to press one for the money, two for the show… A local bank is openingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s cascading carnival of curdled custard”
Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s waste-strewn wonderland of wanton wit ….
My wife just accused me of looking like someone who doesn’t know how to shave properly… Bloody cheek! I don’t do jokes about small wooden ladders going over dry stone walls, that’s not my style.. First rule of Thesaurus Club. You don’t talk, converse, discuss, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, gossip, or natter about ThesaurusContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s waste-strewn wonderland of wanton wit ….”
Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s torturous triumph of terrible tittle-tattle …
A crow walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I hope your friends aren’t coming.” “Last time they were here, there was a murder.” I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden. I realized that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line. IContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s torturous triumph of terrible tittle-tattle …”
Joke of the Day: Monday’s balding bag of bawdy balderdash ….
I’ve been appointed Gary Barlow’s personal chiropractor on a lifetime contract! I’ve got his back for good. I came home drunk last night and didn’t want to wake anyone up so I just stuck two French pancakes to my feet and crêped up the stairs… I just back from Crete where I had a veryContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s balding bag of bawdy balderdash ….”
The Sage Page 