Avoid awkward doorstep conversations by opening the door wearing a crash helmet and carrying a pineapple.
the sage
Unexpected visitors are one of life’s great social ambushes. You are never fully prepared, and somehow they always arrive just as you’ve sat down. The Wise Sage recommends establishing psychological advantage immediately.
By answering the door in a crash helmet, you create an air of mystery and mild concern. Adding a pineapple elevates the encounter from unusual to unforgettable. Salespeople, neighbours, and anyone asking for “just a quick word” will be too distracted to continue with confidence.
For best results, say nothing at first. Simply stand there holding the pineapple, nod once, and let them decide how badly they need this conversation. Most will retreat instinctively.
If they persist, quietly ask, “Is this about the geese?” This introduces enough uncertainty to end almost any exchange.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for confused neighbours, missed deliveries, or becoming locally known as “the pineapple man.”
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