Only give the kids spaghetti on bath nights.
the sage
Children have an extraordinary ability to wear more of their dinner than they actually consume. The Wise Sage recommends embracing this inevitability by carefully coordinating the weekly menu with your cleaning schedule.
Spaghetti is the ideal bath-night meal because it possesses all the qualities parents usually try to avoid. It stains clothing, decorates walls, defies gravity and somehow ends up in hair, ears and occasionally the family dog. Why fight nature? Simply serve it an hour before bedtime and let the bath do the hard work.
For best results, encourage enthusiastic eating. Long strands should be slurped with maximum commitment, meatballs launched using forks as catapults, and tomato sauce applied liberally to any sibling sitting within arm’s reach. Family meals should resemble a minor crime scene by dessert.
Advanced practitioners may wish to serve garlic bread without plates. This creates a satisfying trail of crumbs leading directly to the bathroom, making it easier to round up sticky children once dinner is over. If the dog reaches the bathroom first, simply consider him pre-washed.
Avoid serving tidy foods such as sandwiches or fish fingers on bath nights. This wastes valuable cleaning potential. Save those for school mornings when everyone is already wearing clean clothes and running late.
Finally, remember that any spaghetti discovered behind a child’s ear the following morning should be considered tomorrow’s breakfast and not a parenting failure.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for stained towels, orange bathwater, or discovering a meatball floating in the bubble bath.
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