I went fishing at the weekend and there was this guy splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!”
“It’s alright, buddy,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway”.
Joke of the Day: Beer
I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser.
Advice of the Day: Stay safe
Create an inexpensive burglar alarm by covering your stairs in cornflakes before going to bed.
Using cornflakes as a burglar alarm might not be the most effective or practical solution. It could create a mess and may not reliably deter burglars. Additionally, it could pose a safety hazard if someone were to slip and fall on the cornflakes. It’s generally better to invest in proper security measures like locks, alarms, and outdoor lighting to protect your home.
So here are a few creative ideas for inexpensive burglar alarms:
- “Squeaky Toy Security System”: Place strategically positioned squeaky dog toys around your home. If a burglar steps on one, it’ll make noise and potentially startle them.
- “Bubble Wrap Barrier”: Tape bubble wrap to entry points like windows and doors. If someone tries to break in, the popping sound of the bubble wrap could alert you.
- “DIY Tin Can Tripwire”: String empty tin cans along a string or wire across your entryways. If someone trips the wire, the cans will rattle loudly, creating a makeshift alarm.
- “Whoopee Cushion Alarm”: Rig up whoopee cushions to chairs or doorknobs. If someone sits or pushes on them, the sudden noise could surprise an intruder.
- “Lego Landmine”: Scatter LEGO bricks on the floor around your home. Stepping on them barefoot can be painful and loud enough to wake you up.
If you’re a pet owner, especially if you have a dog, you’ll want to avoid alarm systems that might inadvertently startle or harm your furry friend. Here are some pet-friendly alternatives for inexpensive burglar alarms:
- Doggy Doorbell: Install a doorbell that your dog can easily ring by pawing at it. Train your dog to use it when someone approaches the door.
- Motion-Activated Treat Dispenser: Set up a motion-activated treat dispenser near entry points. When someone triggers the motion sensor, it dispenses a treat, which might distract or deter intruders while also rewarding your pet.
- DIY Hairball Alarm: Place strategically piled hairballs around your home. If someone steps on them, they’ll squish and emit an unmistakable sound, alerting you to their presence and potentially grossing out any intruders.
- Pet Portrait Perimeter: Hang large portraits of your pets near entry points. If someone tries to sneak in, they’ll be greeted by the watchful eyes of your furry friends, deterring them with adorable judgment.
- Laser Pointer Security System: Set up a series of motion-activated laser pointers that activate when someone enters. The lasers create an entertaining light show that will confuse intruders and provide endless entertainment for your pets.
By incorporating these pet-friendly burglar alarm alternatives, you can enhance your home security without causing stress or harm to your beloved pet.
Stay safe.
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This Day in History: May 7th
Here are ten historical events that took place on May 7th:
- 558 – In Constantinople, the dome of the Hagia Sophia collapses due to an earthquake.
- 1429 – During the Hundred Years’ War, Joan of Arc lifts the Siege of Orléans, turning the tide in favor of the French.
- 1763 – Pontiac’s War begins when Pontiac’s forces attack a British garrison at Fort Detroit.
- 1840 – The Great Natchez Tornado strikes Natchez, Mississippi, killing hundreds of people.
- 1915 – The British ocean liner RMS Lusitania is sunk by a German U-boat off the coast of Ireland during World War I, resulting in the deaths of 1,198 passengers and crew.
- 1945 – Germany signs an unconditional surrender at Allied headquarters in Reims, France, ending World War II in Europe.
- 1954 – The French garrison in Dien Bien Phu falls after a 56-day siege by the Viet Minh, leading to the end of French involvement in Indochina.
- 1960 – Leonid Brezhnev becomes the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, succeeding Nikita Khrushchev.
- 1974 – The United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee begins formal impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon.
- 1992 – The Space Shuttle Endeavour is launched on its maiden voyage, mission STS-49.
These events span a wide range of historical periods and highlight significant moments in history.
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This Day in History: May 6th
Here are ten historical events that took place on May 6th:
- 1527: The Sack of Rome occurs as mutinous troops of the Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V, sack the city, resulting in significant destruction and loss of life.
- 1840: The Penny Black, the world’s first adhesive postage stamp, is issued in the United Kingdom.
- 1851: The Great Exhibition opens in the Crystal Palace in London, showcasing the industrial and technological advancements of the time.
- 1882: The United States Congress passes the Chinese Exclusion Act, which restricts immigration of Chinese laborers to the United States.
- 1937: The Hindenburg disaster occurs when the German passenger airship LZ 129 Hindenburg catches fire and is destroyed during its attempt to dock with its mooring mast at Naval Air Station Lakehurst in New Jersey, United States.
- Stalin assumed the role of Premier of the Soviet Union following the resignation of Vyacheslav Molotov.
- 1954: Roger Bannister becomes the first person to run a mile in under four minutes, achieving a time of 3 minutes and 59.4 seconds in Oxford, England.
- 1994: The Channel Tunnel, also known as the Eurotunnel, officially opens, connecting the United Kingdom and France via an undersea rail tunnel.
- 2001: During a National Security Council meeting, President George W. Bush is briefed on a report titled “Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US,” which warned of potential terrorist attacks by Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaeda network.
- 2019: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, announce the birth of their son, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, who becomes seventh in line to the British throne.
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Joke of the Day: Races
Just come back from the London Marathon after-race party… I was hoping to see lots of famous celebrities, but all I saw were loads of b listers…
Advice of the Day: Lay in
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep in.
While it’s meant to be humorous, the advice “The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep in” isn’t necessarily practical or applicable to most situations. In reality, being proactive and starting your day early can often lead to greater productivity and success. However, getting enough rest and sleep is also crucial for overall well-being. So, while it’s fine to indulge in a bit of extra sleep occasionally, relying on it as a constant strategy might not yield the best results in the long run.
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This Day in History: May 3rd
Here are ten historical events that took place on May 3rd, listed chronologically:
- 1494: Christopher Columbus lands on the island of Jamaica during his second voyage to the Americas.
- 1802: Washington, D.C. is incorporated as a city.
- 1808: Finnish War: Swedish troops surrender to the Russian forces after the Battle of Revolax.
- 1915: The poem “In Flanders Fields” is written by Canadian physician Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae.
- 1926: The British general strike begins, lasting for nine days and involving around 1.7 million workers.
- 1947: Japan’s post-war constitution goes into effect, establishing a parliamentary democracy.
- 1952: The first scheduled commercial jet airliner service begins with a British Overseas Airways Corporation (BOAC) flight from London to Johannesburg.
- 1979: Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
- 2000: The “Love Bug” computer virus spreads across the globe, infecting millions of computers.
- 2007: Madeleine McCann, a three-year-old British girl, disappears while on holiday with her family in Portugal, sparking an international search and investigation.
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Joke of the Day: Computers
My granddad asked me how to print on his computer. I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.
Thought of the Day: Stairs
You can’t stand backwards on stairs!
When standing still on stairs, you would typically be facing either up or down the stairs rather than facing backward. Standing backward on stairs while stationary would indeed be an unusual and potentially precarious position, as it could make it challenging to maintain balance and stability without a clear view of the steps ahead.
So let’s assume movement after standing stationary. When ascending or descending stairs, facing forward allows you to see where you’re going and provides better stability and balance. Standing backwards on stairs can make it difficult to judge the depth of each step and increases the risk of losing your balance and falling. However, with caution and practice, it’s technically possible to stand backwards on stairs, but it’s not recommended for safety reasons.
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