Advice of the Day: Swimming

If You Swim with a Friend, Your Chances of Getting Eaten by a Shark Will Drop by 50%

The statement “If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%” is not accurate and should not be taken as a reliable piece of advice. While swimming with a friend might provide some level of safety and support in certain situations, it does not guarantee a 50% reduction in the risk of a shark attack.

Shark attacks are rare occurrences, and the factors that contribute to them are complex and not solely dependent on whether you’re swimming alone or with someone else. The presence of multiple people in the water might potentially make a shark less likely to approach, but this is not a proven statistic, and many other variables can influence the behavior of sharks.

If you’re concerned about safety while swimming in areas where sharks are present, it’s important to follow established guidelines and best practices for shark safety, such as avoiding swimming at dawn and dusk when sharks are more active, staying in groups, not wearing shiny jewelry, and heeding any local advisories or warnings. Always prioritize accurate and scientifically supported information when it comes to safety advice.

My best advice is to stick to swimming pools!

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Joke of the Day: Monday’s miraculous mansion of manky macaroons ….

I know a dog who goes and sits in the corner every time the doorbell rings.

He’s a boxer.

I saw a toddler with a tiny Edam strapped to his bike.

Must have been his baby bell.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

Just lost a court case to a fabric softener!

I fought Lenor, and Lenor won!

My car broke down so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

He said, “Hello Sir, you are a handsome man and very nicely dressed too”.

I could see the problem…

Bat flattery.

I was showing my friend my new house.

“So this is my house,” I said.

He said, “What’s upstairs?”

I said, “Stairs don’t talk.”

A guy rushed past me at the post office to deliver 25 different letters.

He skipped the Q.

When I told my girlfriend I had been seeing her sister you could hear a pin drop.

Then I saw the grenade in her hand!

My girlfriend is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

I got my friend an elephant for his room.

He said thanks.

I said don’t mention it.

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn’t cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

I took the rearview mirror out of my car and since then…

I’ve never looked back.

My wife and I watched ‘Barbie’ and ‘Oppenheimer’ back to back, luckily I was the one facing the screen…

What do you call group of fat babies?

Heavy infantry.

Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall and I thought to myself…

That’s a little condescending.

I read a book about World War II that was only four pages long.

It was Abridged Too Far.

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This Day in History: July 31st

Here are ten interesting events that took place on July 31st throughout history:

  1. 1498: Christopher Columbus lands on the island of Trinidad during his third voyage to the Americas.
  2. 1556: St. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit Order, dies in Rome at the age of 65.
  3. 1715: Seven Spanish treasure ships sink off the coast of Florida during a hurricane, resulting in the loss of a significant amount of gold and silver.
  4. 1790: The first U.S. patent is issued to Samuel Hopkins for a method of making potash, a crucial ingredient in fertilizer production.
  5. 1874: Dr. Patrick Francis Healy becomes the first African-American to earn a Ph.D. degree from a European university, graduating from the University of Leuven in Belgium.
  6. 1941: The Holocaust begins as the Nazis implement the systematic extermination of Jews in the Soviet Union with the first mass killing at the town of Białystok.
  7. 1964: Ranger 7, a U.S. space probe, transmits the first close-up images of the moon’s surface before crashing into the lunar surface.
  8. 1971: Apollo 15 astronauts David Scott and James Irwin became the first to drive a lunar rover on the moon’s surface.
  9. 2006: Fidel Castro temporarily hands over power to his brother Raúl Castro due to illness, marking the first time in 47 years that Fidel was not the leader of Cuba.
  10. 2012: Michael Phelps becomes the most decorated Olympian in history, winning his 19th Olympic medal at the London Summer Olympics.

These events cover a range of historical milestones, from significant exploration and space achievements to tragedies and important moments in civil rights and politics. Each of these events has left its mark on history and continues to be remembered for its significance.

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Quote of the Day: Friendship

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.”

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Lucius Annaeus Seneca, often known simply as Seneca, was a prominent Roman Stoic philosopher, statesman, and playwright who lived from around 4 BC to AD 65. He was born in Corduba (present-day Córdoba, Spain) and came from a wealthy and influential family. Seneca’s philosophical works and contributions to Stoicism have left a lasting impact on Western philosophy.

1. Philosopher: Seneca was one of the leading Stoic philosophers of his time. Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy that emphasizes the development of self-control, rationality, and virtue as a path to happiness and tranquility. Seneca’s philosophical writings cover a wide range of topics, including ethics, virtue, the nature of the universe, and the importance of living in harmony with nature.

2. Statesman: Despite his philosophical pursuits, Seneca was also heavily involved in Roman politics. He served as an advisor and tutor to the young Emperor Nero, who was his nephew through marriage. Seneca’s influence on Nero was significant during the early years of his rule. However, their relationship became strained later, and Seneca eventually retired from public life.

3. Playwright: In addition to his philosophical works, Seneca was a playwright, known for his tragedies. His tragedies, which include works like “Phaedra,” “Thyestes,” and “Medea,” were inspired by Greek tragedies but often explored more intense emotions and psychological complexities. His plays had a significant influence on later European drama.

4. Epistolary Writings: Seneca is also known for his collection of letters, known as “Epistulae Morales ad Lucilium” (Moral Letters to Lucilius). In these letters, he provides practical advice on Stoic philosophy and how to live a virtuous life, addressing his friend Lucilius.

5. Stoic Influence: Seneca’s philosophical works and ideas have had a lasting impact on Stoicism and Western philosophy in general. His emphasis on the importance of virtue, the power of reason, and the acceptance of the natural order of the universe continue to resonate with modern readers and thinkers.

6. Death: Seneca’s life came to a tragic end when he was implicated in a conspiracy against Nero. Forced to commit suicide, he faced his death with Stoic composure, in accordance with his philosophical beliefs.

Seneca’s philosophical writings, along with those of other Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, continue to be studied and admired for their timeless wisdom and insights into living a fulfilling and virtuous life.

The quote, “One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood,” emphasizes the essence of genuine and meaningful friendships. It expresses two interconnected aspects that define a profound bond between friends:

1. Understanding Others: True friendship goes beyond surface-level interactions. It involves making an effort to comprehend the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of the other person. Understanding a friend means being empathetic, sensitive, and attentive to their emotions and struggles. It’s about being there for them, not just during their happiest moments, but also during their difficult times. A true friend actively listens and seeks to grasp the nuances of the other person’s perspective and inner world.

2. Being Understood: Equally important in a true friendship is the feeling of being understood by the other person. When you can express your thoughts, emotions, and vulnerabilities openly, and your friend genuinely comprehends your feelings, it fosters a deep sense of connection and trust. Being understood by a friend means that they accept you for who you are, without judgment or criticism. It creates an environment where you can be your authentic self and feel emotionally supported and validated.

In essence, this quote captures the reciprocity of understanding and being understood in a true friendship. It highlights the beauty of a relationship where both friends are emotionally attuned to each other, creating a space of empathy, compassion, and genuine connection. When friends can truly understand each other, they can build a bond that withstands the test of time and enriches their lives in countless meaningful ways.

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Advice of the Day: Cleaning your teeth

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red I wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

Don’t try this at home!

The advice given in the statement, “Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains caused by red wine,” seems to be attempting humor through irony and absurdity. The humor in this statement comes from the absurdity of the proposed solution to the problem of stained teeth caused by red wine consumption.

Let’s break down the humor elements:

1. Irony: The irony lies in the fact that the solution suggests consuming even more wine (white wine) to counteract the staining caused by red wine. It’s an unexpected and counterintuitive suggestion that plays on the assumption that drinking more of a different type of wine would somehow magically remove the stains caused by the initial wine.

2. Absurdity: The statement’s humor also relies on the absurdity of the advice. Drinking an entire bottle of white wine before bed is not a practical or sensible solution to prevent teeth staining. In reality, it could lead to various negative effects, including health risks associated with excessive alcohol consumption.

3. Overemphasis: The humor is further emphasized by the overemphasis on the recommended action. Drinking a whole bottle of wine is an excessive and unlikely suggestion, making it more humorous and even ridiculous.

4. Undermining Expectations: The advice subverts the reader’s expectation of receiving a practical and genuine solution. Instead, it presents an outrageous and impractical idea, which adds to the comedic effect.

Overall, the humor in this statement is derived from the play on expectations and the exaggeration of a preposterous solution to a common problem. It’s essential to recognize that humor can be subjective, and while some may find this kind of irony and absurdity funny, others might not share the same sense of humor or might view the advice as irresponsible.

But hey, the fun in life often lies in making mistakes!

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Joke of the Day: Saturday’s sonic salvo of substandard sentences

When Noah wanted to check how many bees he had, he had a look in the arc hives.

What was the Soviet Union’s most secretive insect?

The Cagey Bee.

I love being covered in snot and honey.

It’s the bees’ sneeze.

I saw a bee fly right into a bell.

I thought, “That’s a real humdinger”

Met a girl in the pub once who said she’d show me a good time…

Got outside, and she ran 100m in 10.49 seconds….

I’m trying to organise a cricket match for a team of soul singers…

I haven’t got any batsmen or bowlers yet, but I think that Curtis Mayfield…

I’ve just bought a new bicycle but it came without accessories, if you see any, can you give me a bell ?

Did you know that AA Milne, the creator of Winnie the Pooh, had a smaller brother called AAA Milne…

A friend asked me to re-turf a field so that they could carry out a civil war re-enactment…

I thought “sod that for a game of soldiers !”

I was very happy to discover that when Hannibal retired from The A-Team, he went back to his family’s pipe-fitting business in Scotland…

I love it when a clan plumbs together.

I just read that Rod Stewart has five drinks of tea a day, all of varying sizes.

The first cup is the deepest…

I wish vets wouldn’t use complicated phrases such as ‘fertility neutralised female cat’.

Why don’t they just call a spayed a spayed?

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex.

But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

Today I was given a box of Jamaican hair extensions….

It was dreadful.

7/5th of all people do not understand fractions

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Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tired tree trunk of tasteless truffles ….

If you have a wombat and a womble, you have everything you need to play wom.

How does Dracula find his way around Transylvania?

He uses Bat Nav.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

There’s a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

I was picking up dog poo in the park this morning and thought to myself…

I should really get a dog.

If you can’t hear a pin drop, there’s something wrong with your bowling.

Hearing reports that Sting has been kidnapped.

The Police haven’t got a lead.

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai?” he asked.

“Yes” I replied “and sell.”

I told my Mum that I was going to get a map of Italy tattooed on my chest.

She said, “You’ll have sore Naples, don’t be Sicily.”

Interviewer “Describe yourself in three words”.

Me “lazy”

I’ve just bought 8 venison legs for £30.

Does anyone think that’s two deer?

Everybody is saying stealing is wrong.

Personally, I don’t buy it.

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.

I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life as a professional trophy maker.

It’s a rewarding career.

Yesterday I couldn’t make out if someone was waving at me, or the person behind me.

In other news, I just lost my job as a lifeguard.

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This Day in History: July 25th

Here are 10 interesting events that took place on July 25th throughout history:

  1. 306 AD: Constantine I was proclaimed Roman emperor by his troops, marking the beginning of his reign as the first Christian Roman emperor.
  2. 1593: France’s King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to Catholicism to secure his position on the throne and end the Wars of Religion.
  3. 1797: The world’s first ship designed to be used as a floating hospital, the French vessel “L’Hôpital Général,” was launched.
  4. 1814: American forces led by General Jacob Brown defeated British forces at the Battle of Lundy’s Lane during the War of 1812.
  5. 1853: The opening of the first major railroad in India, the Great Indian Peninsula Railway, connecting Bombay (now Mumbai) and Thane.
  6. 1909: French aviator Louis Blériot made the first successful flight across the English Channel in a powered aircraft, traveling from Calais, France, to Dover, England.
  7. 1946: The United States conducted its first underwater test of an atomic bomb, code-named “Baker,” as part of Operation Crossroads at Bikini Atoll in the Pacific.
  8. 1956: The Italian liner SS Andrea Doria sank off the coast of Massachusetts after colliding with the MS Stockholm, resulting in one of the deadliest maritime accidents in U.S. waters.
  9. 1978: Louise Brown, the world’s first baby born through in vitro fertilization (IVF), was born in Oldham, England, revolutionizing fertility treatments.
  10. 2000: Air France Flight 4590, a Concorde supersonic jet, crashed shortly after takeoff from Paris, resulting in the deaths of 113 people and leading to the eventual grounding of Concorde flights.

These events span various areas of history, including politics, military conflicts, transportation, aviation, medical advancements, and technological developments, making July 25th a notable day in history.

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Quote of the Day: Anger

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.“

Mark Twain

Mark Twain was the pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens, an American author and humorist who lived during the 19th and early 20th centuries. He was born on November 30, 1835, in Florida, Missouri, and died on April 21, 1910, in Redding, Connecticut.

Mark Twain is best known for his novels “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” (1876) and its sequel “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” (1885). These books are considered classics of American literature and are often taught in schools. Twain’s writing style was characterized by his use of colloquial language and satire, and he often explored themes of social injustice and the human condition.

Beyond his literary work, Mark Twain was also a lecturer, entrepreneur, and travel writer. He gained international fame for his wit and humor, and his quotes and sayings are still widely quoted and celebrated today.

Mark Twain’s impact on American literature and culture has been significant, and he remains one of the most prominent and beloved authors in the history of the United States.

This quote means that holding onto anger and keeping it bottled up within oneself can be more damaging to the person experiencing the anger than to the person or situation that provoked the anger. The metaphor of “anger is an acid” suggests that anger can eat away at a person’s emotional well-being, just as acid can corrode and damage a physical vessel.

When someone holds onto anger, it can lead to various negative effects on their mental and emotional health. It can cause stress, resentment, and bitterness, which can lead to a deterioration of one’s overall well-being. Just like acid slowly corrodes a container, anger can erode a person’s happiness, peace of mind, and relationships over time.

The second part of the quote, “than to anything on which it is poured,” emphasizes that expressing anger outwardly and venting it onto others or a situation might cause harm, but that harm is usually temporary and external. However, when we suppress and hold onto anger, it festers within us, affecting our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, which can have more lasting and profound negative consequences.

In essence, the quote serves as a reminder of the importance of managing anger constructively, rather than allowing it to consume us from the inside. It encourages finding healthier ways to process and express anger, such as through communication, understanding, and forgiveness, to avoid causing long-term harm to ourselves and our relationships.

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Advice of the Day: Candidate Selection

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

The advice given is not good and is not a fair or ethical hiring practice. Making hiring decisions based on luck or arbitrarily discarding half of the CVs without proper evaluation can lead to discriminatory practices and is likely to result in missing out on potentially qualified and capable candidates.

Good hiring practices should focus on evaluating candidates based on their skills, qualifications, experience, and suitability for the job. It’s important to have a fair and unbiased hiring process that considers each candidate’s merits and abilities rather than relying on arbitrary methods.

Employers should adopt a structured and systematic approach to review all CVs or applications, conduct interviews, and assess candidates based on objective criteria related to the job requirements. This way, they can make well-informed decisions that benefit both the company and the candidates. Avoiding discrimination and promoting diversity and inclusion in the workplace is crucial for building a successful and productive team.

However, if you believe in luck ……!

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