Advice of the Day: Never Losing Your Place in a Book

Love reading but can never find your bookmark? Use ketchup instead.

the sage

Bookmarks are notoriously unreliable. They fall out, disappear down the sofa and mysteriously migrate into books you haven’t opened since 2014. The Wise Sage recommends replacing this outdated technology with something considerably easier to locate: a generous squirt of tomato ketchup.

The technique couldn’t be simpler. When you’ve finished reading, apply a small blob of ketchup to the page and close the book firmly. Next time you return, simply open the book at the distinctive red stain. Unlike conventional bookmarks, ketchup cannot fall out, blow away or accidentally be used as a shopping list.

For particularly long books, The Sage recommends varying the quantity according to your progress. A modest dab indicates casual reading, while a full tablespoon suggests you’re approaching an important chapter. By the final hundred pages of War and Peace, your book should resemble evidence from a particularly literary crime scene.

There are additional benefits. The distinctive tomato aroma allows experienced readers to locate their book in a darkened room using smell alone. It also discourages friends from borrowing your favourite novels, thereby solving another common problem faced by book lovers.

Libraries may initially resist the technique. If challenged by a librarian, calmly explain that you’re not damaging the book—you are installing an edible page-location system. Speaking confidently and using technical terminology is often enough to make people briefly question whether they’re being unreasonable.

Advanced readers can colour-code their collection using mustard for non-fiction, brown sauce for biographies and mayonnaise for books they started but immediately regretted. Avoid chilli sauce unless you enjoy particularly spicy plot twists.

The only significant drawback occurs when reading while hungry. Under no circumstances should you lick the bookmark. This can result in losing your place and dramatically reducing the resale value of the book.

As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for sticky pages, furious librarians, or discovering that your first edition now smells faintly of chips.

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