Just come back from the London Marathon after-race party… I was hoping to see lots of famous celebrities, but all I saw were loads of b listers…
Advice of the Day: Lay in
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep in.
While it’s meant to be humorous, the advice “The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep in” isn’t necessarily practical or applicable to most situations. In reality, being proactive and starting your day early can often lead to greater productivity and success. However, getting enough rest and sleep is also crucial for overall well-being. So, while it’s fine to indulge in a bit of extra sleep occasionally, relying on it as a constant strategy might not yield the best results in the long run.
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This Day in History: May 3rd
Here are ten historical events that took place on May 3rd, listed chronologically:
- 1494: Christopher Columbus lands on the island of Jamaica during his second voyage to the Americas.
- 1802: Washington, D.C. is incorporated as a city.
- 1808: Finnish War: Swedish troops surrender to the Russian forces after the Battle of Revolax.
- 1915: The poem “In Flanders Fields” is written by Canadian physician Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae.
- 1926: The British general strike begins, lasting for nine days and involving around 1.7 million workers.
- 1947: Japan’s post-war constitution goes into effect, establishing a parliamentary democracy.
- 1952: The first scheduled commercial jet airliner service begins with a British Overseas Airways Corporation (BOAC) flight from London to Johannesburg.
- 1979: Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.
- 2000: The “Love Bug” computer virus spreads across the globe, infecting millions of computers.
- 2007: Madeleine McCann, a three-year-old British girl, disappears while on holiday with her family in Portugal, sparking an international search and investigation.
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Joke of the Day: Computers
My granddad asked me how to print on his computer. I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He said he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.
Thought of the Day: Stairs
You can’t stand backwards on stairs!
When standing still on stairs, you would typically be facing either up or down the stairs rather than facing backward. Standing backward on stairs while stationary would indeed be an unusual and potentially precarious position, as it could make it challenging to maintain balance and stability without a clear view of the steps ahead.
So let’s assume movement after standing stationary. When ascending or descending stairs, facing forward allows you to see where you’re going and provides better stability and balance. Standing backwards on stairs can make it difficult to judge the depth of each step and increases the risk of losing your balance and falling. However, with caution and practice, it’s technically possible to stand backwards on stairs, but it’s not recommended for safety reasons.
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This Day in History: May 2nd
Here are ten historical events that took place on May 2nd, listed chronologically:
- 1194: Richard I of England, also known as Richard the Lionheart, and King Philip II of France commenced their military campaign to recapture Jerusalem from Saladin during the Third Crusade.
- 1611: The King James Bible, also known as the Authorized Version, was first published in London, England.
- 1670: The Hudson’s Bay Company was founded in Canada by the Royal Charter granted by King Charles II of England.
- 1808: The Peninsular War began when the Spanish people rose up against Napoleon’s invading forces.
- 1863: The Confederate Army defeated the Union Army at the Battle of Chancellorsville during the American Civil War.
- 1885: The Congo Free State was established under the rule of King Leopold II of Belgium, marking the beginning of Belgian colonial rule in Central Africa.
- 1933: Nazi Germany’s labor day was established as a public holiday known as “National Labor Day.”
- 1945: The Soviet Union announced the fall of Berlin during World War II after the surrender of German troops.
- 2011: Osama bin Laden, the founder of the militant Islamist organization al-Qaeda and the mastermind behind the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States, was killed by U.S. Navy SEALs in Pakistan.
- 2018: The Paris Agreement on climate change marked its third anniversary since it entered into force, aiming to combat climate change and limit global warming.
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Joke of the Day: Gluten
People who don’t eat gluten are really going against the grain.
This Day in History: April 26th
Here are ten historical events that took place on April 26th, listed chronologically:
- 1478: The Pazzi conspiracy culminates in the assassination attempt on Lorenzo de’ Medici and his brother Giuliano during Mass in the Duomo of Florence.
- 1607: English colonists establish the first permanent English settlement in America at Cape Henry, Virginia.
- 1803: Thousands of meteor fragments fall from the skies of L’Aigle, France, leading to the scientific confirmation of meteorites.
- 1865: Union cavalry troopers corner and shoot dead John Wilkes Booth, the assassin of President Abraham Lincoln, in a tobacco barn in Virginia.
- 1937: The German passenger airship LZ 129 Hindenburg catches fire and is destroyed during its attempt to dock with its mooring mast at Naval Air Station Lakehurst in New Jersey, United States.
- 1954: The Geneva Conference begins, aimed at resolving the conflicts in Indochina and Korea.
- 1966: A magnitude 7.5 earthquake strikes Tashkent, Uzbekistan, killing at least 15,000 people.
- 1986: A catastrophic nuclear accident occurs at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in Ukraine, leading to widespread radioactive contamination and the evacuation of nearby towns and cities.
- 2002: Robert Steinhaeuser, a former student at Johann Gutenberg-Gymnasium in Erfurt, Germany, shoots and kills 16 people, including himself, before committing suicide.
- 2015: A magnitude 7.8 earthquake strikes Nepal, causing widespread devastation and killing nearly 9,000 people.
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Joke of the Day: Art
Did my first nude painting this morning.
The neighbours weren’t happy but the front door looks great!
Husband Jokes
I called the doctor “My wife is going into labour! What should I do?”
“Is this her first child?” he asked.
“No, this is her husband.”
Wife: What do think you’re playing at coming home half drunk??!
Husband: I ran out of money.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow
I got all sentimental when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour.
Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.
It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring.
If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.
My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you, and a dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odours, and don’t work half the time.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right.
And the other is a husband!
Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it.
In any argument, a wife has the last word.
Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.
Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?
Husband: How can I? I don’t even know her.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude.
He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
My husband cooks for me like I’m a god… by placing burnt offerings before me every night!
What did the cannibal’s wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Wife: It’s our anniversary, darling. How do you suggest we celebrate?
Husband: With a minute of silence?
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
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