Advice of the Day: Saving Time at Breakfast

Save time in the morning by combining brushing your teeth with eating your breakfast.

the sage

Mornings are notoriously inefficient. First you eat breakfast, then you brush your teeth—two completely separate activities requiring valuable minutes that could otherwise be spent staring blankly at the kettle. The Wise Sage recommends eliminating this needless duplication by doing both simultaneously.

Begin with a breakfast that complements toothpaste. Cereal is ideal because milk already has the correct consistency for rinsing. Simply add a generous stripe of toothpaste to your cornflakes, insert your toothbrush and stir vigorously. Minty freshness combined with fortified whole grains means you are effectively improving two parts of your body at once.

Toast requires a more advanced technique. Apply toothpaste directly alongside the butter and brush each mouthful thoroughly before swallowing. Marmalade is particularly effective because the combination of orange and mint produces a flavour so alarming that you will immediately become fully awake without requiring coffee.

For maximum efficiency, replace your breakfast spoon entirely with a toothbrush. Porridge, yoghurt and scrambled eggs can all be consumed from the bristles, although retrieval rates vary considerably. Anything remaining on the brush afterwards can be considered lunch.

Coffee presents an obvious difficulty because drinking it immediately after brushing usually tastes dreadful. The Sage regards this as an advantage. You will drink less coffee, saving both time and money while becoming increasingly unpleasant to colleagues.

Advanced practitioners can prepare the entire procedure the night before by leaving a toothbrush standing upright in the cereal bowl. In the morning, simply add milk and begin. Remember: every second spent wondering whether this is a good idea is a second you could have saved.

As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for mint-flavoured cornflakes, toothbrushes clogged with porridge, or dentists refusing to hear the rest of your explanation.

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