Never pull your dad’s finger when he tells you to.
The sage
Children are naturally curious creatures, forever encouraged to explore the world around them. Unfortunately, there are certain lessons that can only be learned through bitter experience. The Wise Sage believes one of the earliest should be this: if your father smiles mischievously, extends one finger and says, “Go on… pull it,” politely decline and leave the room.
Many fathers insist this is a harmless family tradition passed down through generations. In reality, it is less a tradition and more an ambush disguised as audience participation. The unsuspecting child believes they are helping with an important experiment. What follows is a noise that physics continues to struggle to explain.
Never be distracted by reassurances such as, “Nothing will happen,” or, “Trust me.” These phrases should be treated with the same caution as “This won’t hurt a bit” and “I’ve fixed it with duct tape.” Experience shows that any adult struggling to suppress laughter is almost certainly about to become the source of your disappointment.
If you accidentally fall for the trick, resist the urge to retaliate immediately. Fathers are seasoned professionals in this field and have usually prepared several follow-up jokes in advance. Your best defence is a long, silent stare that communicates both regret and a dawning realisation that your childhood innocence has been permanently damaged.
Should your own children one day ask why Grandad keeps laughing every time someone mentions fingers, simply change the subject. Some family histories are best left undocumented.
Finally, remember that wisdom often arrives one embarrassing moment too late. The truly enlightened never pull the finger—they simply nod knowingly and back away slowly.
As always, The Sage accepts no responsibility for shocked children, uncontrollable laughter, or family gatherings descending into a chorus of suspiciously timed sound effects.
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