The Sage Page

Thought of the Day: Fish

Do Fish get thirsty?

Fish do not get thirsty in the same way humans or other land-dwelling animals do. Thirst is a sensation primarily related to the need for terrestrial animals to replenish water lost through various bodily functions such as respiration, perspiration, and urination. Fish, on the other hand, live in water environments where they are constantly surrounded by a medium that allows them to extract the necessary moisture they need through their gills.

Fish obtain water through osmosis, a process where water naturally moves through their gills to maintain the balance of salts and other solutes in their bodies. They excrete excess salts through specialized cells in their gills and release water as needed to maintain their internal balance.

In summary, because fish live in water and obtain the water they need through osmosis and their aquatic environment, they do not experience thirst as land-dwelling animals do. Thirst is an adaptation to life on land, while fish have evolved different mechanisms to regulate their fluid balance in their watery habitat.

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This Day in History: September 14th

Here are 10 interesting historical events that took place on September 14th:

81 AD: Domitian, the Roman Emperor, was assassinated, leading to the start of the Year of the Four Emperors.
1752: The British Empire adopted the Gregorian calendar, skipping 11 days to align with the rest of Europe. September 14th became September 2nd overnight.
1812: Napoleon Bonaparte’s Grande Armée entered Moscow, beginning the ill-fated French invasion of Russia.
1847: American forces under General Winfield Scott captured Mexico City during the Mexican-American War.
1901: U.S. President William McKinley died from gunshot wounds sustained in an assassination attempt on September 6th. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt was sworn in as the 26th President.
1940: The Blitz, a series of devastating nighttime bombings by Nazi Germany, began in London during World War II.
1959: The Soviet space probe Luna 2 became the first human-made object to reach the moon, crashing into its surface.
1960: OPEC (Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries) was founded in Baghdad, Iraq.
1982: Princess Grace of Monaco, formerly known as American actress Grace Kelly, died from injuries sustained in a car accident.
2000: The Olympic Games in Sydney, Australia, opened, marking the start of the XXVII Olympiad.

These events span a wide range of historical periods and have had significant impacts on the course of history.

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Joke of the Day: Thursday’s thin throng of three thirsty thoughtless therapists …

I can’t get enough minimalism

I was born to be a pessimist.

My blood type is B Negative.

I met my girlfriend at an arthritis support group…you know when two people just click?

6:30 is definitely the best time on a clock…

Hands down.

The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me 20 years.

I saw a guy in the pub last night carrying 12 pints of lager.

I thought, that guy can really hold his drink.

What do you call Bears with no ears?

What color socks do bears wear?

They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet!

My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.

It gets his Snickers in a Twix.

How old is All-Bran?

I’m just looking for the rough age.

My son’s pet frog broke his leg yesterday

He was very unhoppy…

Accidentally locked myself in a glass cabinet in a museum.

I ended up making an exhibition of myself…

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off.

I think I’m being stalked.

WANTED: Someone to brush their teeth with me.

Because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won’t help tooth decay.

What did the electrician’s boss say when he came late to work?

Wire you insulate?

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes.

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The Sage raps in the hood

(Verse 1)
In the heart of the hood, where the stories unfold,
There’s a man with a presence, worth more than gold,
White hair, white beard, in a robe so bright,
He’s the wisest man around, shining in the night.

With eyes that have witnessed a thousand sunsets,
He’s seen it all, no need to place your bets,
He’s walked through the fire, emerged from the cold,
This wise old man, he’s a story to be told.

(Chorus)
Wise white-haired man, in the hood, he stands tall,
With knowledge and wisdom, he conquers it all,
He’s the light in the darkness, the truth in the lie,
In the heart of the struggle, he’s the reason we fly.

(Verse 2)
In the streets where the young ones hustle and grind,
He’s the beacon of hope, with a brilliant mind,
He imparts his wisdom, like a sage from the past,
Teaching lessons that forever will last.

He speaks of unity, love, and respect,
Guiding lost souls, helping them connect,
Through trials and tribulations, he’s seen them all,
And he’s here to catch you when you stumble and fall.

(Chorus)
Wise white-haired man, in the hood, he stands tall,
With knowledge and wisdom, he conquers it all,
He’s the light in the darkness, the truth in the lie,
In the heart of the struggle, he’s the reason we fly.

(Verse 3)
His words are like poetry, a lyrical art,
A testament to a life lived with heart,
He’s a living legend, in the neighborhood’s embrace,
His wisdom transcends time and space.

In his white robe, he’s a symbol of grace,
A wise old man with a smiling face,
He reminds us all that we can be good,
Because in the hood, he’s the wisest man understood.

(Chorus)
Wise white-haired man, in the hood, he stands tall,
With knowledge and wisdom, he conquers it all,
He’s the light in the darkness, the truth in the lie,
In the heart of the struggle, he’s the reason we fly.

(Outro)
So here’s to the wise man, with the white hair so bright,
Guiding us through the darkness, like a beacon of light,
In the heart of the hood, his wisdom’s understood,
This wise old man, he’s the reason we’re good.

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Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s taught torniquet of tattered twine …

My friend was sent to prison last year for excessive burping.

He’s finally been let out with a pardon.

2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

Saw my ex-girlfriend at the bank today, not good news!!

I was hoping she’d wash further downriver.

I went for a job interview today.

The interviewer said to me, “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”

I said, “I think I’d have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength.”

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because like all men, they won’t stop to ask directions.

DIET DAY 1

I have removed all the bad food from my home.

It was delicious.

I love watching flowing water on the internet.

In fact, I’m watching a live stream right now.

I recently got a step ladder.

It hurts not being able to see my real ladder anymore.

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realised it was just a Fanta sea.

This idiot on the treadmill at the gym, just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

My stoner friend used a page of my agenda notebook to roll up his joint.

He is now high on my list of priorities.

I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

I sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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Joke of the Day: Monday’s make-up magnum of manky mascara ….

Whenever I eat eggs benedict it reminds me of the time I lived in the Netherlands…

Those were my Holland days…

My wife wants to apply for a job as a steamroller driver.

I promised her I won’t stand in her way.

I gave myself a prostate exam earlier.

That’s the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.

I’m writing a musical about about puns.

It’s a play on words.

I’m going to a deodorant party next weekend…

Roll on Saturday.

My pet mouse ‘Elvis’ died last night…

He was caught in a trap.

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?

Streaky bacon.

What kind of nuts are always sneezing?

Cashews.

The inventor of the USB stick has died.

Thanks for the memory.

How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 6
Step 9
Step 12
Floor

What’s the best thing for a hangover?

Drink loads the night before.

My girlfriend dumped me because of my obsession with plants.

I asked “Where’s this stemming from petal?

I’ve just saved over £50 on my weekly shop!!

These self checkouts are awesome!!

Autocorrect is so funny.

My mum tried to text “I love you” and it became “You’re a disappointment. Don’t come home”

My girlfriend said to me, “I’m fed up with you being so lazy, pack your bags and leave.”

I said, “You pack them.”

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I’ve entered the World Push-Up Championships.

I’m going to win it, hands down.

Gloria Gaynor invited six people round for dinner but one didn’t turn up.

“That’s OK,” she told her guests, “I will serve five.”

I couldn’t decide which Asian food I wanted more, Japanese or Chinese.

So I just called it a Thai.

A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop.

When asked by reporters what had happened, a witness replied, “Well… it’s kind of hard to say…”

Someone tried to explain binary to me.

I couldn’t understand a bit of it.

My friends got a new house, and I paid for them to get underfloor heating.

It was a house warming gift.

I called the incontinence hotline yesterday.

The lady asked if I can hold for a few minutes.

I asked the dentist what the cavity procedure would entail.

He said, “Let me fill you in.”

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This Day in History: September 10th

Certainly! Here are 10 interesting historical events that took place on September 10th:

1813: During the War of 1812, the United States successfully defended Baltimore Harbor from a British naval bombardment. This event inspired Francis Scott Key to write “The Star-Spangled Banner,” which later became the U.S. national anthem.
1846: Elias Howe received a patent for the sewing machine, revolutionizing the textile industry and modernizing clothing production.
1939: Canada declared war on Germany, joining the United Kingdom in World War II, marking its entry into the conflict.
1953: Blogger and comedian Mike Jones (aka Therese Trouserzoff) of the Pigs Arms fame in Australia, a mewling, complaining brat, blind in one eye popped into this world and changed the lives of a toolmaker and a tailoress forever.
1967: The Outer Space Treaty, which prohibits the placement of nuclear weapons in space and limits the use of the Moon and other celestial bodies to peaceful purposes, was signed by the United States, the United Kingdom, and the Soviet Union.
2001: During the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in the United States, President George W. Bush delivered a speech addressing the nation from the Oval Office.
2008: The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the world’s largest and most powerful particle accelerator, was officially inaugurated at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, in Switzerland.
2008: SpaceX’s Falcon 1 became the first privately-developed liquid-fueled rocket to reach Earth orbit. This marked a significant milestone in the commercial spaceflight industry.
2013: A chemical weapon attack occurred in the Ghouta region of Syria, resulting in significant international attention and debate over the Syrian Civil War.
2019: Japan’s Hayabusa2 spacecraft successfully deployed the MINERVA-II2 rovers onto the asteroid Ryugu, continuing its mission to study and collect samples from the asteroid’s surface.

These events span a wide range of historical periods and significance, highlighting the diversity of occurrences on September 10th throughout history.

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Joke of the Day: Friday’s feeble fountain of freudian fish food ….

Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pyramid covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

It’s believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.

Opened a mars bar once.

Discovered martians love gin.

I made some jerk chicken today.

He didn’t even say thank you.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

An egg.

I was grilling a chicken last night.

“For the last time, why did you cross the road?”

Went for a curry the other week, had a chicken tarka.

It’s like a chicken tikka but a little otter.

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car that I was working on?..

The suspension is killing me.

I’ve decided that all dad jokes must now be written down on a piece of paper.

It’s not a dad joke unless it’s tearable…

All my friends keep saying that my new girlfriend is imaginary…

Joke’s on them, so are they!

People say I’m condescending.

That means I talk down to people.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious,

Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service.

One leaned over & whispered: My bottom is going to sleep.

‘I know,’ replied the other, ‘I heard it snore three times.’

A French guest, staying in a hotel in London phoned room service for some pepper.

“Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.

“Toilette pepper!” said the Frenchman.

My wife is leaving me because I keep forgetting to take the old coffee filter out of the machine…

She claims it’s grounds for divorce.

My friend bet me £100 that I couldn’t do a butterfly impression…

I thought, ‘That’s got to be worth a little flutter’…

I used to go out with a javelin thrower.

But then she chucked me.

I’m sure this petrol crisis was caused by people talking about it so much it became a self fuel filling prophecy…

Stealing clothes from washing lines.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

I know loads of white sugar jokes..

I don’t have many brown sugar jokes though demerara.

Me, lazy?

Don’t get me started.

A man is at court today for damaging books by putting tippex on all the full stops.

He’s expecting a long sentence.

My motto is “Never say never.”

Which makes it very difficult to tell people my motto.

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This Day in History: September 8th

Here are 10 interesting historical events that took place on September 8th:

1504: Michelangelo’s statue of David was unveiled in Florence, Italy. This iconic masterpiece is considered one of the greatest works of Renaissance sculpture.
1565: A Spanish expedition under the leadership of Pedro Menéndez de Avilés established the first permanent European settlement in what is now the United States, founding St. Augustine, Florida.
1664: The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam (now New York City) to the English, who renamed it New York in honor of the Duke of York.
1888: The body of Jack the Ripper’s second victim, Annie Chapman, was discovered in London’s Whitechapel district, adding to the mystery of the unsolved murders.
1900: The Galveston Hurricane, one of the deadliest natural disasters in U.S. history, struck Galveston, Texas, resulting in the deaths of thousands of people.
1930: The 3M company began marketing Scotch Tape, which went on to become one of the most widely used adhesive tapes in the world.
1943: During World War II, Italy signed an armistice agreement with the Allies, leading to the surrender of Italian forces to the Allies.
1966: The first episode of the iconic science fiction television series “Star Trek” aired on NBC in the United States, setting the stage for a lasting cultural phenomenon.
1971: The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts opened in Washington, D.C. Named in honor of the former U.S. President, it has become a renowned venue for the arts.
2016: NASA’s spacecraft Osiris-Rex was launched on a mission to study and collect samples from the near-Earth asteroid Bennu, with the aim of shedding light on the early solar system and potential asteroid threats.

These events cover a wide range of historical periods and significance, showcasing the diversity of occurrences on September 8th throughout history.

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Advice of the Day: Jigsaw Puzzles

Why pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

The advice to use frozen chips (french fries) as a substitute for expensive jigsaw puzzles is likely meant as humor or a playful suggestion rather than practical advice. Attempting to piece together frozen chips would not be a suitable or enjoyable alternative to jigsaw puzzles for several reasons:

Unsuitable Material: Frozen chips are made from potatoes, which are not designed for the precision and intricacy required for jigsaw puzzles. Their irregular shapes and sizes would make it extremely challenging and unsatisfying to create a coherent picture.
Food Waste: Using frozen chips for such a purpose would result in food waste, which is not a responsible or sustainable practice.
Messy and Inconvenient: As you handle the frozen chips, they will thaw and become messy, making it difficult to maintain the puzzle. Additionally, the moisture from thawing chips could damage the surface on which you are working.
Lack of Entertainment Value: Jigsaw puzzles are not just about the final picture; they also offer a sense of accomplishment, relaxation, and entertainment. Attempting to assemble frozen chips would likely lack these benefits.

In conclusion, while the suggestion to use frozen chips as an alternative to jigsaw puzzles may be humorous in nature, it is not practical or advisable. If you enjoy jigsaw puzzles, it’s best to invest in traditional puzzle sets designed for that purpose to fully enjoy the experience.

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