Tag Archives: funny

Joke of the Day: Friday’s freight of festivities …

Went for a check-up and asked the Doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life?” He replied, “I’m not sure, Mercury is in Uranus right now.” I said, “I don’t believe in any of that astrology nonsense!” He replied, “Neither do I. My thermometer just broke.” I once went for a jobContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s freight of festivities …”

Joke of the Day: Sunday’s saucer of saucy sardine secretions

I just changed my computer login password to ‘Alcatraz’ and now the ‘Esc’ button won’t work? My wife left me because of my addiction to touching pasta. Now I’m feeling cannelloni… Gandalf came into my shop and asked “Do I get any money off for having this big stick?” I said, “No I’m sorry, weContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Sunday’s saucer of saucy sardine secretions”

Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s bottomless bucket of jokes

The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. I went to the doctor because every time I opened my eyes, I vomited everywhere. He looked me over and said it was the worstContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Wednesday’s bottomless bucket of jokes”

Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …

I’ve just been to a pub called “The Old Fiddle”. I wouldn’t go there again though, it was a vile inn… The first rule of ‘Cliff Richard Club’ is that we don’t talk anymore about ‘Cliff Richard Club’… Puns about ‘Riverdance’? I flatley refuse to post them. Police have arrested a man allegedly caught stealingContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Tuesday’s tirade of trifles …”

Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns

If you say the word ‘gullible’ very, very, VERY slowly. It sounds like orange. Was driving down the motorway yesterday in a hearse. Police pulled me over for undertaking. I spent ages trying to cross a busy road… A passer-by said, “There’s a pelican crossing up the road”. I replied “I hope he’s having betterContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Monday’s pungent packet of puns”

Joke of the Day: Friday’s flagon of funny stuff

Highlighter pens are going to be a real problem one day, mark my words… People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest… Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. What do you callContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Friday’s flagon of funny stuff”

Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms

Just started a new employment blowing the whistle at the end of football matches… It’s a full-time job. What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly? Stationery. Got really emotional this morning at the petrol station, don’t know why, just started filling up. Robin: The batmobile won’t start. Batman: Check the battery. Robin:Continue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s wagon of witticisms”

Joke of the Day: Thursday’s truckload of titters ….

I’m tired of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they are going and meet up with them later. What does a pirate pay for his corn? A buccaneer! What happens when you anger a brain surgeon? They will give you a piece of your mind. A magician was driving down theContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Thursday’s truckload of titters ….”

Joke of the Day: Music

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘That’s Aboriginal.’ I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down. Went to the annual disco for the UK Dyslexic Association lastContinue reading “Joke of the Day: Music”