I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I’ve had it right up to here with them. I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call. She rang me room and said, “What the hell are you doing with your life?” I asked my grandmother for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got meContinue reading “Wednesday Jokes!”
Tag Archives: joke of the day
Tuesday Quips
I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’ He said, ‘You’ve got cholera.’ I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, its P something T something R. Once formed a band called the Sewing Machines.. Didn’t work out.. Couldn’t get a Singer … FUN FACTContinue reading “Tuesday Quips”
Monday Mega Joke Bundle
My Dad always used to tell me, “Don’t be quick to find faults.” He was a lovely man. Terrible geologist though. My girlfriend just left me because of my obsession with cricket. It’s really hit me for 6. My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. ButContinue reading “Monday Mega Joke Bundle”
British Humour
I met a Dalek in the pub who claimed he was from Devon so I asked him “Whereabouts in Devon are you from mate ?” He replied “EXETER MATE! EXETER MATE!” I was telling a friend that I just got back from seeing a Charlie Chaplin movie in Devon. He said “Torquay?” I said “NoContinue reading “British Humour”
Thursday Fun
I once saw two octopuses that looked exactly the same… They must have been itentacle twins. I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish. I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice. Why do cowsContinue reading “Thursday Fun”
Mid Week Jokes
I’ve recently been listening to the audio book version of ‘The Lord of the Rings’ read by Robert De Niro… It’s Tolkein Italian… Our local chiropodist has been arrested as he keeps stealing small pieces of nail after treating patients. He’s a clipped toe maniac… Someone asked me if I could name any famous Syrians.Continue reading “Mid Week Jokes”
Some Jokes for Tuesday.
Please remember, for every Rich Tea biscuit, there are currently thousands of tea biscuits living in poverty… My wife and I met on a website for dolphin impersonators. We clicked straight away. If you don’t sniff the air and go ‘Ooh – someone’s having a barbecue!’, are you even British?! Doctor: Your DNA is backwards.Continue reading “Some Jokes for Tuesday.”
Monday Jokes
I spent hours trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was. But, in the end, I just had to call it a day. Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family… It’s Mark Zuckerberg. I often wonder if the guy who came upContinue reading “Monday Jokes”
Friday Jokes
Someone told me to try horse manure on my rhubarb. I have to say, I still prefer custard… New idea : invisible aircraft I can’t see that taking off… Some small aquatic mammals have escaped from the Zoo… Otter chaos… Studies have shown that cows will produce more milk when the farmer talks to them…Continue reading “Friday Jokes”
Some Jokes for Monday.
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says it’s terminal. I said to my boss, “Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?” He said, “It’s May.” I said, “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?” Just ordered a takeaway from the local Chinese. IContinue reading “Some Jokes for Monday.”
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